The Calm and the Storm

22

22

"Nandito na po lahat ng report sa folder, Ma'am. Nasa flash drive na rin ang mga presentation. The only thing we should do is to pass it," ani Jaypee at ibinigay ito sa akin lahat.

Tumingin ako sa folder at sa flash drive. Sa wakas. Nandito lahat ng pinaghirapan namin sa nagdaang buwan. Especially this week. Halos nasa opisina kami at nag-o-overtime upang masigurado na wala kaming nalimutan. It was all checked. It was all reviewed.

But after all of that, I am still not confident enough.

Para bang kahit ano ang gawin ko ay may masamang mangyayari. Na papalpak pa rin ako.

I tried not to think about it as I plastered a small smile to assure my team that I was alright. That I was managing it well when in reality, my constipation was hurting me.

"Umuwi na kayo nang maaga," sabi ko sa kanila nang mapansin sa glass wall na dumidilim na ang kalangitan. "Let me take it from here."

"Sigurado po ba kayo? Puwede naman po na hintayin ka na namin para kapag may problema ay diretso po nating ma-edit."

I smiled. "I can take care of it. We already did our best. We checked it a lot of times. Everything will be fine." It felt like I was comforting myself.

If I wouldn't be confident, then they won't be confident too. I am their project leader. I chose and volunteered to be one. Unstable na nga ang mental health ko, unstable pa itong team ko—hindi puwede iyan.

"Sige, po."

I watched them pack their things. Ang ilan pa ay talagang tinanong pa ako ulit kung hindi na ba nila ako hihintayin.

Nang ako na lang mag-isa ay nagtungo na ako sa opisina ng boss namin. Before I went in, I took a couple of deep breaths. Hindi rin nakatulong na sobrang sakit ng tiyan ko.

Ginusto ko 'to kaya dapat paninindigan ko. It was all the chance I've got to prove everybody, including myself, that I am capable of doing it. Isama mo na rin ang pride ko.

"Trinity," the boss acknowledged me when I entered his office.

"I'm here to submit the reports of the project," sabi ko at umupo sa katapat na upuan pagkatapos kong ibigay sa kanya ang folder at flash drive.

I watched how he scanned the report. Sa ilalim ng mesa ay pinaglaruan ko ang mga daliri sa kaba. I also stopped my foot from tapping it anxiously on the floor. Act normal. Breathe in. Breathe out. Every page he flips made me want to vomit.

Okay, I'm ready for the bad reviews. Kahit anong mangyari ay hindi ko isasali ang team. It will all be my fault alone.

"Impressive."

Kumunot ang noo ko nang marinig ang boss namin. He was even smiling as he looked at the papers. Impressive? It was not what I expected. Sa gulat ay hindi ako makatugon.

"Everything is so detailed," dagdag niya. "Mula sa financial reports hanggang sa activity reports. The minutes of the meetings are even arranged perfectly. The transparency is all there."

I opened my mouth but I could not say anything. May script naman talaga akong hinanda ngunit hindi ko inasahan na magiging positive ito. Slowly, the constipation faded.

"Really, Sir?"

"Of course, Trinity. It's very detailed. Ano naman ang laman ng flash drive?"

"The powerpoint presentations that we presented from the project proposal until the very end, Sir," ani ko. "Nandiyan rin ang softcopy ng mga report. Pati PPT ng meetings."