THIRTEEN • Eren Jaeger

CHAPTER 8: Loop Four, II

Beside you, Eren muttered, "Some boyfriend he is."

"Jean's a good boyfriend," you defended. "He's better than this."

Eren gave you that weird stare again. "He doesn't know a thing about you."

You laughed cruelly. "And you do?"

"No," he said. He paused. "But I could. If you'd let me."

Your chest closed up and the sea washed in your vision. If you'd let me. You'd denied him so many times. You changed tactics.

"I'd take your Titan, by the way," you said. You mimicked his earlier words. "If you'd let me."

A semblance of a smile formed on his lips. By nature, you nearly smiled too, but fought back to look serious.

"I'm a good choice," you said. "I'm strong, I'm quick-thinking, I can combat well—"

"I know, you used to beat me up when we were kids," Eren said. "And you slapped me back then."

"You had a harder hit than me!" you exclaimed, losing yourself for a moment and reverting back to your original personality. "So you see, I should be the next Attack—"

"No."

"Why?"

"I thought I made it clear earlier," Eren muttered. "Because... you're important to me."

You felt your heart sink. You never succeeded at making Eren hate you. You just made him love you in a different way. Some things just couldn't be changed.

"And you said you wanted to have a family," Eren continued. "And stability."

By now, it was dusk, and the cart hadn't been polished at all because you were talking to Eren, and his face was illuminated by the lights from inside the headquarters, but you could see him clearly. His eyes were sad at the thought of something he couldn't give you.

"You remembered," you said, thinking back to the day you reclaimed Shiganshina.

"It was all I could think about," he confessed. "Even until now."

A pause ensued as the implications of Eren's words hung in the air.

"Have you ever talked about it with Jean?"

You played with your thumbs. "Not yet."

Yet. You let the word simmer. Eren was genuinely puzzled. "Really? After all this time you've been together?"

"I didn't want to get our hopes up in case one of us dies."

Eren went quiet. He had thought that the longer you'd be with Jean, he'd accept that you were really an item and get over it, but a part of him knew that you didn't belong with Jean. Now it was evident that you weren't good for each other, and all Eren could think was that you belonged with him. You had feelings for each other long before you even looked at Jean.

He couldn't exactly figure out what those feelings were yet, but he knew it wasn't the childish hatred he used to believe he carried for you. By all rights, Eren had been your childhood friend, the one who understood you at your worst, the one you always fought with but never hated. And if life had ever somehow opened a window where Eren could have turned the tide around for you and him, he would have. You would have never felt alone and he'd provide a real future for you.

Thinking those kinds of thoughts made him feel traitorous. There was no way he was pining over his friend's girlfriend.

"You ever talked about that with Mikasa?" you asked.