Lance: What does the chef recommend?
Waiter: sir, this is a McDonald's
Lance: oh, I'm sorry. What does the McChef recommend?
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Lance: "not to be petty" I say as I continue to be petty.
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Demon: We will punish you for your gluttony!
Lance: Coolio! I'm a glutton for punishment.
Demon, quietly into a walkie-talkie: Could I get a supervisor over here?
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Lance: I love saying “of course’ instead of “your welcome”. Like, of course I’m helping you, that's what I do, you were foolish to even consider an alternate dimension in which i'm not helping you. You idiot. You absolute buffoon.
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Lance: I hate it when someone has the same name as me, like you'll get your own mood.
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Lance: I don't fucken know "gay clothes". I just wear whatever I want and since I'm wearing it, it's automatically gay clothes.
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Lance: “you’re obsessed with yourself” and you aren’t? That's so tragic.
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Lance: Why is “pretty boy” considered an insult? Like, call me a pretty boy. Call me a pretty boy right now. I want to be the prettiest boy you’ve seen.
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Lance: Someone: *calls me ugly* Me: I hope you aren't driving with that messed up vision.
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Lance: But you don't understand. I need to be the hottest person in the grocery store!
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Lance: If you're reading this, I'm beautiful.
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