Gold Rush | Ser Harwin

27.

Daerla

"Excuse me?" I ask when I enter the servants quarters below the castle. They ignore me and continue their work. "Excuse me!" I say slightly louder, hoping to get their attention. Everyone turns to look at me.

"Yes? My Lady?" A manservant says when he sees me.

"I was only wondering if there were any letters for me?" I ask as everyone watches me. To them I am no better. I married a Guard. I am a disgrace.

"Not today, my lady," the servant says before walking off. I lean back against the wall. It's been several days since I heard from Daemos. He's probably fine and I'm probably just being paranoid.

  I walk back up the castle and onto the bridge, looking out over the sea. I use to stand here as a child and dream of what my future would look like. Now here I am, I've lost so much.

"Excuse me, my lady," I look over at a servant who has wandered over. "There is a visitor waiting for you in your chambers." No. What if it's Delilah? I couldn't cope if it was Delilah.

  I walk in quickly, my head spiralling at the thought that it might be her. However when I open the door I'm met with someone I don't expect.

  "Liana?" I say and the girl turns around to face me. Her brown hair is a matted mess and her face is covered in dirt. Shouldn't she be in a prisoner cell or something alike?

  "Mother," she says and I flinch. She does not get to call me that. Not when she- Not when she killed my husband.

  "What do you want?" I say with deathly stillness. I will let her say her piece then I will force her out of this castle and I will make sure she never set foot near any of my family ever again.

  "I came to say I'm sorry," she says and her voice breaks, she falls to her knees and I look down on her with disgust. "Alicent- That is Queen Mother Alicent, she tricked me all along. She made Criston marry me. It was all a lie." I can't help but scoff. Of course here she is faking a sob story so I'll feel sorry and let her into my home.

  "I want you to leave," I respond trying to keep as calm as I can. This girl was foolish enough to fall prey to Alicent's ploys. She was the reason my husband is dead. She did that. She caused that.

  "I'm sorry-" she says as tears run down her face. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone-"

  "But you did!" I yell and she flinches. "You didn't just hurt H-Harwin. You also hurt me and all of my children. There is no place for you in this family. You are not welcome here now or ever. Once upon a time you were all I wanted. Now I wish you had died the day you were born. You need to leave Dragonstone and you need to never ever return."

  "Please forgive me," she whispers and I see the pain in her eyes. Her eyes which are so similar to Harwin's. Tears gather in my eyes. She is my daughter. She is the child who was ripped from my arms the day she was born. She is the child who I mourned over for years. She was that child. But she isn't anymore. She has grown into the villain. She may not have meant to get her father killed. But her actions still led to it.

  "I can never forgive you," I whisper in response and her face drops as more tears run down her face. I have never been good at forgiving those who wronged me. When I look at her all I see is my husband. I see Harwin. But I will never see Harwin again. She did that.

  Liana stands up sharply. Her face contorts into that of a monster.

  "You are cold and heartless," she says with venom coated through every word. "If I am damned to hell then I will meet you there. Have a good life, Mother, or whatever is left of it." And then she walks out before I can say anything else.

  Dear Gods is that girl plotting my death? I have made it several years longer than I had once hoped. I need to stay alive at least a few years longer, until all my children are safe and settled. Liana's threats are meaningless.

  I shake my head to rid me of the entire conversation. I walk back into the hallway as Rhaenyra walks towards me.

  "Aunt," she says softly and I can see the tears in her eyes. What has happened? What has caused this pain in her eyes?

"What is it, Rhaenyra?" I say and I look down to see Rhaenyra is holding a piece of parchment.

"Daemos is dead," Rhaenyra says and suddenly it feels like a wave has crashed into me, dragged me under the surface so I can't breathe.

"No," I say through my pants. I fall against the wall. My baby boy. My son, my boy. "Not Daemos. He can't be. He can't be. My boy, my baby boy."

Rhaenyra kneels beside me and she pulls me close to her in a hug. But I can't breathe. I can't breathe in a world in which my son does not exist.

I push her away, struggling to find air. When did the air all get sucked out of the castle?

  Within moments the light too slips away. I'm alone in the dark. There is no one left to help me now.