Everlasting Beauty || ENHA

18. 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎

Heeseung pov:

I was back at home. Jay was avoiding me as well as everyone else. They do hate me. Maybe I shouldnt have said what I did. Now I'm truly alone. Is this how Junghwa and Mi-young felt? Alone.

I find it oddly comforting. It's like I could feel Mi-young leaning on my shoulder or holding my hand at rough times. Like after I ran into the forest. I had sat by a tree and cried. I swear I could feel her leaning on me then.

Or maybe I'm going crazy. I hope it was her. I was now laying on my bed, dreading the fact I was still alive. The wall that Jay had pushed me against still had some broken wood hanging. I never found the time to fix it.

Then there was a knock on my door. "Come in." I said nonchalantly. The door swung open and I looked up to see who it was. Niki. He looked sad. I sat up and waved for him to come in. He closed the door and walked up to me. Then he sat next to me.

"Heeseung...I'm scared." Niki's voice was soft and quiet. I could tell he wanted to cry. I frowned. "About what?" I asked. "All of us. I dont want you guys to be mad at each other." His voice was cracking. A few tears slipped from his eyes, falling down his face.

I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I dont want us to be mad at each other either. This whole thing has just really messed me up Niki." I spoke quietly as well. Niki wiped his tears but they kept falling.

I hated seeing my youngest brother like this. Worried that his only family is falling apart and growing to hate one another. "Hee...please. Talk to them. You're our eldest and we need you." Niki pleaded. I got choked up.

They...needed me? Oh. I hugged him and he hugged back immediately. "I can try." I whispered. We let go of one another. I got up and started to walk downstairs, Niki following.

I made it too the lounge. I could hear a few of them in the living room and maybe two in the kitchen. I gulped. "Guys come here please!" I yelled and then sat down on the couch next to Niki.

It took a mintue but everyone gathered around the couches, curiosity covering their eyes. Once everyone was settled I cleared my throat. "Listen, after you know uhh...yesterday. We need to clear something up. I'm not mad at anyone. Not Jay, not Hei-ran...I was just...In denial I guess. I'm really sorry." I announced.

Everyone hesitated on speaking but Jay did eventually. "I figured you were just mad that she was gone. I felt like it was my fault and I apologize." Jay spoke cautiously. I frowned. "You dont need to apologize. It wasnt your fault. It was her decision. I just wish she hadn't." I accepted solemnly.

Jay nodded, Hei-ran rubbing his back. I still didnt like looking at them and I still didnt like her so I turned my head away and looked down at the floor. Though it did feel as if pressure lifted from the air. No more tension.

Jungwon sighed of relief. I knew he felt it more than any of us. "Heeseung. If it's not to much to ask, can you tell us what happened with Junghwa?" Jake suddenly asked. I was taken aback. That's the last thing I wanted to talk about right now.

"Maybe later. Now isnt a good time." I answered after a few seconds of silence. Jake frowned but nodded as did the others. Junghwa had nothing to do with this. But they know this isnt the first person I've lost.

Not to suicide but death. A tiring thing. It breaks me just thinking about it. About her. About Mi-young. None of them deserved it either. They only deserved the best. And both times I wasnt there. It truly is my fault and now I feel really bad about blaming Jay and Yeonjun.

If I had only just stayed there and been there with them then it never would have happened. This is what I get. I don't know what I've done to deserve this but I guess it was something. Oh well. It's over now.