flicker oneshots.

a garden in my lungs

(im now adding when these are published)

Published: October 29, 2022 11:34 am

Hanahaki au 

(hanahaki disease is a japanese fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals of their crush's favorite flower. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic) or when the victim dies, which is when the victim coughs up a full flower. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.)

Nikolai + Jean-claude

Angst

TWs

Vomitting (blood and flowers)

Implied death 

Mention of abuse and bullying

———

THIRD PERSON

     Love is confusing, it really is. It's difficult to tell if you like someone or not, whether it's romantically or platonically. You can't really tell what a relationship feels like unless you've been in one. People tend to look on the outside of a relationship and don't really pay attention to the inside, they don't see what's behind closed doors. Love is honestly like a beautiful-looking flower. It blooms and blossoms into something absolutely magnificent, but over time if that flower isn't taken care of, the petals start to fall off piece by piece and slowly decay. Then finally at the edge of the abyss, one must fight the urge to pluck it. When that flower is gone, so is that relationship. It slowly falls apart, and others on the outside will think everything is okay when clearly it's not.

   To think that's how Nikolai feels, it's honestly bothering him quite a lot. He has a best friend named Jean-Claude. Nikolai is hanging on by a thread, that thread is the one and only.. yeah.. Jean.

    Nikolai hasn't been the best towards a lot of people, they despise him because at school he is known for his hatred towards others around him. He always bothers and teases others in his school. He laughs in their face and splashes water in their face. Bullying was one way to get his anger out. It allowed him to feel power denied to him during non-school hours. 

   Nikolai's parents weren't like any other parent. They in fact were the complete opposite. Nikolai showed nothing but love towards them, yet all they do is push him away every time he shows them unconditional love. They were the ones that left bruises and scars on him, and even though they were healed, they weren't forgotten. They were the reason why he had gotten trust issues. He won't ever forgive and forget what pain they've brought him. The thought of them, just one flash of memory about them burnt like cigarettes to the skin. 

   Jean was the first and only person who actually showed enough care and support. Jean knew what Nikolai was dealing with, he was the only person who ever noticed. And they've become friends ever since. Every time Nikolai is around him, those are the only times he's truly happy. Jean's smile, his laugh, his looks, and his personality brings a smile to Nikolai's face. He gets nervous when around him, like butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He feels weird, something's off. He doesn't know what bothering him, but he knows he's gotten too attached to Jean-Claude. Could he have gained feelings? No no, he didn't want to think about it like that. But the more he thought, the more it bothered him. He didn't want to believe it, since he doesn't really believe in love. And even so, he wouldn't know whether it was platonic love or romantic love. 

   When Nikolai is alone at night, he can't help but think about Jean-Claude and his heartwarming smile. The thought of him creates a light smile on his face. He thinks about texting him every night and talking to him on calls. Instead of sleeping, that's all he does. But he still refuses to believe he's fallen for Jean. And after a while of considering it, he finally accepted defeat. He was in love with him, he was deep in love.