Don't Be Afraid To Ask

*11* Zee Pruk

The mere memory of it gave me a shiver, and I shivered and grabbed my chest near my heart.  Through the T-shirt I felt my fingers painfully clenched against my skin, but it was this pain that made me feel best about what I had to do.  I'll have to seemingly move away from New, P'Sky has to see the distance between us, he has to believe that we have nothing in common or that we are just Phi-Nong, siblings.  Nu's explosion in the Rotten Obscure's office, as we called him together with Max and Singto, may be good for us.  I just need to explain it somehow New.  If New agrees to my plan, maybe we'll survive.

"But how the hell am I supposed to tell him ?!  I cannot mention anything in the world about what has happened before, I cannot return to the old story.  If New finds out the truth, at some point he may be surprised and step out of the role, he may forget himself, and then the whole plan will go to the head!  No no no!  I can't tell him anything!  New can not know!  He has a huge talent, but will he be able to play constantly and play double?  Oh!  What am I even thinking ?!  This is New Chawarin, the guy who charmed everyone in the audition, he could handle it, he just needs a little practice“.

I tried to convince myself, but it was not successful.  I made excuses for everything, something that thwarted every plan.  P'Sky can be very violent, he is dangerous, but no one has hard evidence against him.  Besides, none of us wants to destroy our careers, and such a scandal wouldn't help us in any way, what's more, it could make the situation worse, for many people it would cause a trauma that would be difficult to deal with.  I need something else, some other brilliant idea.  Or at least something that will buy us some time.

In the end, I made my decision.  I was almost completely calm now.  I took a deep breath and, without knocking, opened the door to the apartment I had rented for New.  He was standing right at the entrance and was clearly surprised by my appearance.  He was staring at me with his eyes wide open, his mouth slightly open, as if he too couldn't catch his breath a moment ago.  Maybe he wasn't in such a good shape as it initially looked like?

In the room, I immediately pressed New against the wall, blocking him any way out.  I wanted him to listen to me, to understand why I was doing this.  He looked at me with contempt, the atmosphere was very tense.  He was breathing hard, he was clearly nervous.  When he is very nervous about something, one side of his mouth drops while the other stays motionless.  It's even fun.  But that was just another weak point of my idea: if under pressure New betrays anything, we could lose it all.  One small mistake, one small slip-up, some unconscious gesture is enough.

-—Let me go!  — He ordered, trying to push me away, which he failed.  He was smaller and weaker than me.

— Not until you promise me to listen to me.

— Why would I do this?  I don't want to listen to you, I don't want you to invent more fairy tales.

— What fairy tales?  Have I ever lied to you?  — I asked without taking my eyes off his.

He glanced to the side and pouted even more when he couldn't find a satisfactory answer in his memory.

— Exactly.  Nu, listen to what I have to say, please. — I was ready to kneel and beg him on my knees to give me a chance to explain everything.  I was about to do so when he answered me furiously.

— What if I really don't want to hear it?  I know you're on his side, not mine, whatever you want to say, keep it to yourself.  You're a goddamn asshole!  — He stared at me as if he already hated me, as if he despised me.  I guess nothing could have hurt more.  P'Sky knew exactly where to hit to hurt the most.  Nu was my weakness, something that gave P'Sky an advantage.  I wanted to explain it to him so much, tell him the truth, I wanted him to understand, but I couldn't!  P'Sky thinks New hates me now, and it better stays that way, safer...