Don't Be Afraid To Ask

*10* Pierre

Yuki was much more lucky, he made 6 points to the finish line, I could be proud of him, but for some reason it hurt me.  It felt like our team just gave me less priority, as if I wasn't important to them at all, as if they'd already given up on me not believing that I was able to give them the good results they so badly need.

I was devastated and didn't even want to talk to Yuki, even though this little gnome was slowly winning my heart, starting to occupy a special place in my life.  I defended myself a little bit against this feeling, although I knew that I was doing it in vain, my fight from above was doomed to failure.  Even now, sitting in a room with my long-time best friend, I can't help but think about that naughty little rascal.

And I cannot forget the morning when, as if nothing had happened, he knocked on the door of my apartment in the hotel where we were staying and asked me to go jogging together, enjoying the nice weather.  It was very unlike him.  The Yuki Tsunoda I know doesn't like running, he loves to sleep and eat, he wouldn't wake up early in the morning just because he wanted to run, no, he's not like that.  I knew he was up to something, I just didn't know what.

After a few minutes of jogging, we stopped in the park, I was surprised by the great condition of the Japanese, because I have never seen him practice anything other than what Pyry, our personal trainer, forced him to do.  We sat on one of the many benches just off the main alley.  The weather was fantastic indeed, the sun was shining, but also a light breeze was blowing, moving the branches of the trees and making the lights and shadows shimmer around us.  Birds of all sizes walked slowly on the slightly withered grass.  It was really early time, the sun had risen not earlier than half an hour ago and there was no living soul apart from us and the birds in the park.

I smiled then and asked Yuki what the real reason was for pulling me out for this morning effort.

— I know you like to run, so I wanted to do that too, to spend some time with you — He said, smiling back.  In his eyes I saw the joy and the excitement that I felt myself.  I don't know by what miracle, but somehow I sensed what he would want to ask me and I warned him.  Before he could add anything, somehow complete his statement, I moved very close and, still staring into his eyes, as if waiting for him to push me away, I leaned towards him.  He understood.  He wasn't going to run away or back down, and I didn't have to remind him that he started it all, that he wanted it, that it was his efforts that led us to that one special moment that would never happen again.

— Be my boyfriend — I said, looking into his eyes, then shifting my gaze to his mouth.  I couldn't fool myself, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to hold his hand while walking, I wanted to hear him get angry and curse everyone when he was losing some game, it was even fun.  — No, actually, be my wife.

— Ok, but I will not be your wifey, I will be your husband.

—  Ok, it suits me, I can be your wife if you care so much — I smiled feeling butterflies in my stomach.  This moment belonged only to us, I wanted to stop time, keep it for us forever, so that we would be so happy, excited and in love forever.  Yes, I was finally ready to accept the fact that I fell in love with this child without memory.  And hell I know it will be tough, Formula One is not a respectable LGBT sport, but I wasn't going to give up.  All I had to do was figure out how to make a place in the world of F1 for the feeling that was between us.

Until now, I didn't believe in magic or miracles.

After Anthoine died, I lived my life to the fullest, having fun, training, working in the simulator, and constantly brooding over the past, while still having his last words in my head before he died: "Prove them wrong."  that I lost my seat at Red Bull, in the main team of which I was a junior.