Chapter 4

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Memory

"Promise me this is forever" I whisper as I keep my head buried in Bellamy's chest.

"This is forever Princess, I promise you" He whispers in my ear and he lifts my chin and he kisses me sweetly and passionately.

"I'm never leaving you Princess, I love you more than anything, I'll never be able to live without you" he whispers against my lips and he pulls away with a warm smile on his face.

Present

I head back to the dropship with the others, Raven is not looking at me at all.

I don't feel guilty at all, it is like some thing came into my body and took everything away from me that made me, me. I no longer have real empathy, I am no longer happy, sad, guilty, regretful.

The pain in my stomach gets worse but I can take it, it makes me feel alive, it reminds me that even though I don't feel alive anymore, I am still alive.

"we're here" Clarke says as we walk into camp. People around us all turns to us with curious expressions.

I ignore every single one of them as I grab the nearest blade and I walk to a fire that I suppose one of the people build. I stick the blade into the fire.

Raven stares at me with concern and she races to me quickly, but before she could get to me I yank up my shirt and I press the hot blade against my wound, I don't make a single sound of pain, the smell of burning flesh fills my nose. I close my eyes and I take a deep breath before I take the blade off my wound.

"What the fuck Ivy, are you okay?!" Raven yells with concern as she grabs onto my face and stares me worriedly. "What happened to you Ivy?" I don't even recognize you anymore" She whisper, her voice filled with hurt and sorrow.

"Lets get moving, we need to find that radio" I say coldly, not an ounce of emotion is in my voice or expression

Raven grabs my arm before I get the change to even walk away, "Is he really dead or did you lie to me?" She whispers so no one but me can hear her.

I stare at her coldly for a couple of seconds before I answer her, "He's dead to me"

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The sun was high in the sky, beating down on us as a group of people waded through the river looking for any sign of the radio, I wasn't helping then, I was standing near a tree as I drank some of Monty's moonshine

Bellamy who wasn't any help either, was sitting on the side of the river Bank watching them search for the radio.

My eyes met his and I kept his gaze, not looking away, my stare was cold and empty

Bellamy breaks the stare when Clarke marches over to him, almost falling for the fourth time in the process, "why aren't you helping?" She demands, causing him to look up ar her using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun.

"Why would I?" He asks cocky as if it was obvious

She huffy annoyed and she glares at him, "maybe because this is all your fault" She snapped, taking her anger out on him "you could at least give us a rough estimate of where you threw the damn thing."

She shook his head, still looking up at her through shielded eyes, she just shrugs, "Don't know"

She scoffs, kicking a splash of water in his direction, "I take back what I said, you don't have a good side, you're a piece of shit through and through"

Bellamy chuckles amused with her anger. "Okay, Sunshine whatever you say"

"Hey!" Jones called from down the river "I found it, guys"

I look at Bellamy for a split second and he meets my eyes before I start moving through the river towards Jones, Bellamy hesitantly stood up and followed behind me.

Raven was the first one there and had the radio in her Jane before the rest of us even got there. She walked back towards the river Bank, eyeing the radio with a look of concentration.

"Can you fix it?" Clarke asks hopefully.

"Maybe." Raven answered, not taking her eyes off of it, "but I will take more than half a day at least to dry out the components to see what's broken"

I begin picking my nails, unbothered by everything that is going on around me.

"Like I said," Bellamy cuts in, "it's too late"

They all turn to look at him, scowls on all of their faces, Clarke who was obviously most upset by this marched towards him "Do you have any idea what you did?" She asks in anger, "do you even care?"

"You asked me to help, I helped" Bellamy answers, his arms acrossed in front of his chest, his face emotionless

Now I may hate him, but I agree with him this time, he did help. My face is emotionless and unbothered as I continue picking my nails.

"Three hundred people are gonna die because of you!" Clarke was now yelling and all I wanted was to grab her face and shove my dagger down her fucking throat to shut her up

"Hold up!" Raven interjects, "we don't have to talk to the ark, we just have to let them know we are down here right?"

"Yeah but how do we do that with no radio?" Finn challenge her proposition

Raven jad a sneaky grin on her face as she looked around at the group of us and then back to the pod, "ever heard of flares?"

She's a genius, we could let them know we were alive without having to say a single word, it could work

I felt a cold grin spread onto my face as Raven started walking towards the pod, the rest of us following. It seemed to me like the only smiles I was able to do was cold smirks and grins.

"Okay, well need to take this thing apart, make use of everything we can. Finn get the control panels back to camp." Raven ordered, pointing to the large control panel in the pod, "You!" She said pointing to another one of the boys, "get the firing wires out, but make sure they're all in one place or they won't work"

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