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Twenty One

She wrapped her arms around me. "I love you so so so much more, Ry-Ry. You're the best big sister I could have ever asked for. I thank God every day that he gave me you."

My heart.

I took a long bath that night and thought about my feelings and thoughts. I was going to live a life that was so fulfilling. I was going to be so happy. I was going to make my mom and sister proud.

Was it going to take time? Absolutely. 

But I knew that I would get there. 

My first day back to school wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe this was only big news in New York City. I doubted that people in Connecticut gave a damn about my family and our issues (other than the DuPonts) and I liked that.

"We should go to Jake's party this weekend." Emery brought up. "I think we're all a little overdue for a little fun! Plus it is senior year. Prom is practically tomorrow and then graduation."

Oh shit.

Prom sure was coming up soon. 

"What do you guys say?" she looked around at all of us.

Mila nodded. "Fuck it. I can handle the alcoohool. My sister gave me her old ID."

Everyone nodded and Mila just looked at me.

She knew everything.

"What do you say, Ry? Maybe we can goo get our nails done after school on Friday too." she suggested.

Mila was probably one of the best things to come out of moving to Connecticut. 

Fun. You deserve fun.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah. Let's go."

Emery squealed. "Fuck yes! We just have to get through this school week."

And the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that.

But like Logan said, baby steps and therapy. Lots of therapy.

I went on about my school day. I was surprised that Ii didn't feel too behind. Then again I didn't really give a fuck. I got into college and everything. NYU was going to be the reset that II so desperately needed.

I was walking to my car after I met with my counselor when my eyes met his. We hadn't seen each other or said a word after I blew up at him.

My heart skipped a beat and sank to my stomach at the same time.

He started to walk straight past me before I grabbed his wrist.

"Brennan." I started.

He looked startled so I let go of his wrist.

God, what do I even want to say?

"Yeah?" he asked me. "Was your first day back ok?"

I nodded my head. "No on here really knows. It's New York City drama I guess."

"I just wanted to apologize." I took a deep breath. "You didn't deserve the way I spoke to you or anything. I just need time. A lot of time. I know you probably think I'm satan on earth and I just wanted to get that off my chest."

He shook his head. "I do not think that, but I need time too, Ryan. That was kind of a lot for me to go through too. I know it's not as worse as you by any means. I just need a little space and time right now."

Ouch.

"Get home safe." he walked away. 

That was so dry.

But I had to honor and respect his boundaries. 

I went on about my week. I focussed on planning my college list, thinking about what classes I wanted to take, the legal issues we had to handle, and trying to finish senior year strong. 

I will say that Logan helped me more than ever. I made her promise that we would live in the same city when we got older. I started to regret not staying iin Connecticut for school, but she wanted me to spread my wings and reclaim the city I loved so much with good memories. 

On Friday, I went out to lunch and to get my nails done with Mila. It really helped to take my mind off of everything and gave me quite the serotonin boost.

"How are things with Brennan?" she asked me.

I pressed my lips together as I sat on her bed. "Things kind of crashed and burned. I dunno. His family never really liked me so I guess it's for the best."

She sighed. "That makes me sad. You two really worked together."

I shrugged. "It's out of my control. He did ask for space and I have to respect that."

"Is he still taking you to prom?" she wondered.

"That's a great question and a conversation that we never really got around to. So who knows!" I informed her.

She ruffled her hands through her hair. "Well, he's gonna be there tonight."

I gave her a thumbs up. "Great."

We got started on our make-up and pregaming. We stopped talking about our issues and started talking about pop culture and TV shows. I liked feeling myself smile again. It felt like it had been so long since I did that.

I forgot how fun it was to get ready with all of your friends with a little alcohol in your system. I loved dancing and gossiping at the pregame to the giggly Uber ride to the actual party. 

I liked meeting new people because I could lie my ass off about how I was without being questioned. I was actually enjoying myself until I felt someone grab my waist.

"We need to talk." Brennan said.