When Our Time Stops (On-hold)

9

Jennie's POV

I know what I did that night when we got intoxicated. The image of me talking to Lisa and putting my head on her shoulder is vivid in my mind. It is really the liquid courage, because if I were sober, I would never have been as vulnerable as I was with Lisa. I'm just not the type of person that instantly warms up to someone. But I didn't hear anything from Lisa about it after that day; she didn't question me and acted typically towards me.

"So I am correct," Jisoo adds as we walk down to the cellar to get some food. I didn't respond since I knew she wouldn't believe me if I said no. "Will you tell her?"

"Why would I?"

"Why won't you?" she asked back, "it's not like Lisa's dating someone," she explained as she rummaged through the canned items.

"I don't think it's that deep... I shouldn't," I remarked, knowing that what I'm feeling is probably just infatuation.

"Bullshit," Jisoo exclaims, her gaze fixed on the cans.

"Do you understand my feelings better than I do?" I ask.

"No.. but do you completely know yourself when it comes to that?" she asks, completely making sense.

"I haven't even dated anyone in years because I've been so busy with work," I explained.

"Well, surprise, we're in the midst of an apocalypse with so many uncertainties, and you have no work to focus on," she continues.

"Exactly, we're in the middle of an apocalypse; I don't think putting relationships at the top of my agenda is supposed to be on my list," I explained.

"Are you afraid of losing her?" she asks.

"I'm afraid about losing people in general," I murmured to her as she checked expiration dates.

"Don't get involved with things that aren't your current concern.  What causes us to be so reserved in life is when we try to predict the future and become terrified of it.  Do things while you can," she said. "I'm just saying, with the added benefit of an apocalypse. You are one of her limited possibilities."

"Can you just shut up and gather everything we need?" I asked, attempting to dismiss the reality that she was correct. I'm not even sure what Lisa is thinking. I mean, it's not like I'm showing her that I admire her, but she's also not showing that she finds me attractive or anything.

Chaeyoung and I assisted Nana with supper preparations, while Haein took Jisoo and Lisa out to the woods to practice their aim in case we encountered strangers from the city. Haein and Pops have been assisting us all with our aim and a little self-defense in case they aren't around.

We didn't wait for them for dinner because Haein told Pops over the radio that they would be home late. Chaeyoung lingered in my room after dinner for at least an hour, just talking about her life before the outbreak. I'm delighted Chaeyoung feels at ease with me; she shares a lot of information with me, which helps me get to know her better. When Chaeyoung felt sleepy, she cut the chat short and told me she was going to bed. I heard the truck earlier, so I'm assuming Lisa, Jisoo, and Haein have already arrived. Before going to bed, I changed my clothes. Jisoo knocked on my door as I was about to fall asleep, informing me that we'd all go see Doctor Lee tomorrow.

I spent so much time in bed since I'm having trouble falling asleep right now. It's just one of those days when you think you're sleepy but after you're in bed, the sleep just doesn't come. I get out of bed and leave my room. I go to the restroom to pee. I was on my way back when I noticed Lisa's door was slightly ajar. I walk towards it to close it in case she simply forgot, but when I look at the bed, she isn't there. I peered inside and noticed her sitting on the floor near the window. If I'm not mistaken, it's nearly midnight, so I'm not sure why she's still awake. They've been out, so I'm guessing they're all exhausted, but why is she still awake?

"Do you want me to close the door, Lisa?" I ask softly, not wanting to startle her. She didn't respond, so I step in, assuming she didn't hear me. When I got closer, I heard her faint cries and felt my chest drop and ache. I lower myself to her level and check her face. She turns her head to look at me, her eyes puffy and red from crying for so long. When I saw her crying, I felt my eyes start to well up with tears, so I immediately embraced her. "What's wrong?" I ask softly, rubbing her back. I was quite vulnerable the last time we were alone in one room and told her about my fears. I had no idea that witnessing her cry would make me worry more than my own fears.

"I miss my mom," she murmured, her voice breaking. Hearing Lisa say that causes me so much more pain, as if my chest wasn't already suffering more than it should. Even trying to control my tears as they started to fall from my eyes was impossible.

"It's okay," I tried to reassure her. The last time I opened up about my concerns, it was only for me and those around me. I forgot that everyone around me had lost someone during the outbreak. I lost mine a few years ago, and it still haunts me every now and then. It doesn't get any better, but it does get manageable. I can't imagine how things are for them.

I remembered the time I lost mine. I can't even get through a week. I needed to take a break from work to gather my thoughts. I cried almost every night when I remembered everything. For Lisa and everyone else, they tried to gather their emotions and lay them aside in order to survive. As I already stated, Lisa is younger than I am, but she takes excellent care of others. I want to be the one who does the same thing to her.