THIRTEEN • Eren Jaeger

CHAPTER 6: Loop Three, II

You poked his dimples to make them deeper. You were getting immune to burdensome topics.

"'Ren," you said softly. "I can tell you want to push through with the Rumbling. I think you shouldn't do it."

Eren went silent.

"Is that why you hold back from me?" he asked.

In another life, this would have been a tough conversation. But you were young in this one, and your friends were alive and laughing and playing a few meters away, and everything seemed like a memory washed in dream fog.

"Eren, I would give you the whole world, even the stars if I could," you replied. "But this thing... it's unacceptable and it's difficult. Just because you have a plan doesn't mean it's a good one."

"I was... I was actually hoping that you'd join me," Eren said, like he was rushing to get the words out but careful enough to pretend otherwise. Your spine prickled. "You know... come with me. I'll break out of these walls and set for Marley. We'll work it out from there."

"By 'work it out,' you mean you'll get me to help you murder people."

Eren eyed you. He could never tell how you always knew what he was thinking. He gestured to your friends.

"If they could live... if you could live... it wouldn't be so bad to be free."

An old memory flashed before your eyes — Eren blushing in the sunset, "I want you all to live long lives," the train chugging down the tracks you and your friends built. That was so long ago. If everything was just a loop and it reset, did that even happen at all?

"And..." Eren continued, his voice wavering, "When I saw that vision of you dying, I wanted to die too. If you ever leave me..."

"There has to be another way, 'Ren," you whispered. "We've got so much time."

Regret laced his gaze. You hadn't convinced him yet. You weren't sure what he was going to do next. Eren had always been unpredictable.

Suddenly he stood and pulled your hand. "Hey, cheer up. Let's swim."

Even though everybody else was half-naked in the lake and engrossed in each other's shenanigans already, you still felt self-conscious as you took off your blouse, leaving you in a tank top.

"Don't look," you said timidly as you unbuttoned your shirt. Eren obediently turned the other way as he took off his shirt, but when you took his hand and began leading him to the water, you could feel his gaze over your skin. You wondered just what kind of adolescent thoughts were racing through his mind.

You stayed a few meters away from the main group, so you and Eren could whisper without getting interrupted. He pushed your head under as a joke and you retaliated by grabbing his middle to tip him over.

Wet hair stuck to his face, bangs brushing against his eyes. You wrapped your arms around his neck and clung, enjoying the way it felt like he was carrying you. Without meaning to, your breasts pressed firm against his bare chest, the only thing separating your skin being your thin tank top.

A red hue spread across Eren's cheeks immediately. "Stop that."

You laughed and reluctantly let go. You liked his blush and it was hard to make him turn red nowadays. His smile seemed genuine enough and his laughter wasn't forced. But it felt wrong.

For a moment you stood tip-toe in the lake, back against Eren's chest, observing your friends. He sidled up to you, and maybe it was because you were so close that he nuzzled his nose against your shoulder.

Your face grew hot. "Eren..."

Suddenly, he kissed you behind the ear. You shuddered, but didn't move. He kissed you again, holding you so that only your bare shoulders were above the lake's surface.