Finding Abel

Epilogue

FIVE YEARS LATER

Erin

I sat in the hospital as the nurse fiddled with the child in the crib, she was a small little thing, a fighter even in the womb. I never entertained the thought of pregnancy, or even bringing a child to term, but somehow I had managed to defy the odds. However, ever since she was born, I was afraid to touch her. As if she would disappear if I got too close or got too attached.

I felt silly, so incredibly silly because I had dreamed about this moment for years. And finally, I had gotten my turn, my shot at an amazing experience. I pressed my hands to the bandage on my stomach and thought about the scar that would remain once I was healed. It served as my proof of her existence and the place where she once resided.

Throughout my pregnancy, Jax praised the ground I walked on. Making sure I never felt down my entire pregnancy, but for some reason, I felt unworthy of her. Unworthy of this experience as if too much happiness would equate to something else.

"You have a beautiful little girl, have you thought of a name?" the nurse asked as she held the small infant. She tugged on the cap on her head that couldn't stay put because my baby had a lot of hair.

I simply shook my head and the nurse smiled at me sympathetically. "Don't worry, you'll know it when you hear it."

The baby started to fuss and then the nurse turned her attention back to her. "Looks like someone's hungry," she cooed and then handed me the baby. My hands shook as I reached out for her as if I was afraid to drop her.

"Don't worry, you're doing great. You've already won her over," the nurse said encouraging me. I gave her a nervous smile as I situated the baby at my breast, she took it with ease and a euphoric feeling washed over me. Her eyes were glued to mine and at that moment, I felt completely connected to her.

"You look beautiful Erin," I looked up to see Jax holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand and I smiled at him. Jax was a nervous wreck throughout the whole delivery, struggling with the fact that I was in pain. He was never there for any of his children's birth, so this was very important to him.

He placed the bouquet on the table near me and sat at the edge of the bed as he watched his one and only daughter feed. He reached out and ran his hand through my hair and used the other to play with the baby's hand.

"You did such a good job babe, I'm proud of you," he said placing a kiss on my hand. I smiled at him and then back down at the baby, "how are the boys?"

"They're good, driving Wendy crazy though with their questions about their new little sister. Abel insists that we call her Charlotte after the spider in that pig movie." Jax chuckled at the memory, but I looked at him unmoving.

"That's not a bad name. Charlotte? I like Charlotte," I said the name a few more times.

Jax smiled at me, "then Charlotte it is."

I looked down at the baby whose eyes were beginning to close, dozing off under my bosom. Jax watched me in admiration at the sight of me holding Charlotte and I had to remind myself that I was to be on bed rest for a few months. He had been so loving and attentive that my attraction for him grew at every turn. Biker Jax was great, but a loving and attentive father was even better.

I didn't know how Jax would react to cutting off his mother and Tara, but he seemed to be doing just fine under the circumstances. He completely devoted himself to me that night, and his loyalty was evident. There was no doubt in my mind that his loyalty remained with me.

"Hey, let me put her to sleep," Jax reached for Charlotte and began to walk around the room as he burped her. I watched in admiration until my eyes felt heavy from the medication and I immediately dozed off.

I don't know how long I'd been asleep but when I woke up, Jax was laying next to me. He wasn't sleeping as he lay by my side, caressing my face lovingly. When I reached for his face, I noticed a ring on my finger, one that wasn't there before.

Jax and I never talked about marriage because we were fine with how things were. We'd both been married before and never felt the need to push the topic on each other. But now looking at the ring on my hand, I felt incredibly emotional.

Jax watched me with his blue eyes and stared at me deeply. "Are you sure?" I said mimicking the question he asked me all those years ago.

"I've never been surer of anything in my life. You are a part of me Erin, a piece I can never replace."

I smirked, "what if you lose the piece?"

"Then I'd tear up the entire earth to find it again."

"That's a long time."

"I'd rather use it looking for you, than living without you." His face was serious and I caressed his face in my hand as I stared into his soul as he conjoined his to mine.