Back To December

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"I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright. I go back to December all the time..."

At what point did he lose both of his friends?

He thinks about this question relentlessly as he stares at the scorch mark on the metal table. And he can't pinpoint a single moment where things had gone so wrong? He can't even be sure when you started pulling away.

But he can pinpoint the moment the exact moment that everything had changed.

-

After the funeral, the two of you sat in silence, Sam only broke it as you both climbed into his car, still donning all black attire from Tony Stark's funeral. The question was innocuous, but loaded with so many unknowns, "So now what?"

"I have no idea," you slowly exhale.

You both decided to start at the Compound. You already knew it was mostly destroyed, but a big part of you wanted to believe that something had to have survived the battle. And maybe that was just foolish, naive hope, but you pulled up to the Compound in Sam's car with a heart full of hope.

It was stupid in the grand scheme of things. You knew it was. It still didn't make it hurt any less.

The place you called home.

The magnificent and awe-inspiring Avengers Compound. Reduced to rubble.

Still, you stumbled through the ash, debris, and searched with a bright smile and your head held high.

Most was unidentifiable. But from what you could identify, you were able to find your old room. And it hurts even more.

The room painstakingly decorated with Nat and Wanda. Days the three of you spent laughing, teasing each other, all reduced to nothing. The bookshelf Steve and Sam helped you find and set up for you. CDs and records you collected from all around New York.

All gone.

Though you felt the stinging sensation of tears building in your eyes, you shook them away as though it could shake away the pain of the last few days. Or years - that would probably be more accurate.

You told yourself that it didn't matter that everything you'd ever owned was now gone. It didn't matter that you went from nothing after being rescued to a room full of cherished possessions... back to nothing. All lost in one fell swoop. It didn't matter that you were once again dropped in a society that looked completely unfamiliar.

You were on the outside. Thanos defeated. Sam was alive. Bucky was alive. And maybe your family was no longer intact, but you still had something, a good starting point.

So you and Sam decided to lay low for a few days to collect your bearings.

You didn't know that things were about to go from bad to worse.

"Technically, it's SHIELD housing, just off the books," Sam tells you, pulling up to a small cabin just a few miles away from the Compound. "But I figure we can lay low while we figure out our next move."

You take solace in the way Sam speaks about you as a unit. Even though he's no longer responsible for you, he's standing by you. You walk up the steps with a heavy heart that's lightened by the people you still had in your life.

You open the side panel, clearly stating your full name to the little intercom device.

"Access denied," the monotone voice drolls.

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