blondie | valtteri bottas [COMPLETED]

matter of trust | 13

going to start dedicating chapters to people because the community of readers on this book are just so nice.

first one is dedicated to fayxoxoh for the lovely comments and genuinely making me feel excited to write this book.

tw: panic attack, overwhelming of emotions for dima, might be a little uncomfortable to read. weight mention

[1481 words]
not edited

—

valtteri picked up his phone. he knew he was sort of obsessed with it at the moment but how could he not? it was his only mode of contact with dima. he was in france for the weekend, and he wished he wasn't semi sulking like he was.

he kept contemplating his relationship with her. were they exclusive? or was it an unofficial thing in her eyes? he tried not to let his mind run into overdrive, seeing as this was dima. the dima he knew would not play with someone's feelings. also, they were both in their thirties, surely there can't be such immaturity.

he understood dima was in some sort of transient part of her life, possibly still haunted by whatever happened between her and her ex husband. they hadn't been able to communicate well with one another, limited by time and space. he hasn't even told her that he is a divorcee, not that it made a difference but it was something he wanted to share with her. it was an experience they had both gone through and maybe sharing would heal some wounds. he didn't want to push her. but at the same time, he wanted to be with her. it was difficult.

his staring at his phone session was disturbed when someone nudged him, possibly his trainer, saying 'valtteri, we need to get going.' he shook his head and focused on the time, realising that the qualifying session was about to start, and he needed to get ready.

he'll figure something out later.

—

it was a monday afternoon and the house was empty besides dima herself. her parents had gone to visit someone in a different city for a day, and she chose to stay back instead. dima could not bear to look at the date anymore. it was approaching fast and she couldn't handle it.

she tried not to think about the tiny pair of shoes she had brought with herself in her suitcase. she couldn't imagine her parents finding it.  her mother had almost caught her holding the tiny pair of shoes and she managed to brush it off by claiming she was looking for a dress she didn't remember where she put.

she had told them that she was well, doing great, moving on. she mostly was but this damn date would not let her rest. she had been dreading the build up to this unfortunate first anniversary.

valtteri's timing was very convenient. he had breathed some life into her before her visit to lebanon in a way that her parents wouldn't worry about her so much. the hurricane in her head withered slightly at the thought of the man. she can't believe that the day of her meeting with valtteri, she was almost running from finland. it was like he had suddenly pulled her out of the dark and gloomy areas and straight into the sunshine. she was glad her parents saw the post-meeting dima, and not the one from before. and then again, she was happy she shared that flight with valtteri, even if it was by accident. it felt good to her, and her worrisome family.

after all they trusted valtteri.

she trusted valtteri.

her mind centred on the dreaded date again. she remembers the day, the way it all started out with pain and ended in pain. the fact that there was no reward for all the pain she went through.

she tore her eyes away from the calendar on her fathers desk, adjacent to the window that showed the lovely mediterranean sea. she clenched her eyes, thinking of the baby and lukas and everything about her. she gripped the table, forced herself to think of the water and eventually her breathing regulated. she let out a deep breath and ran a free hand through her hair. the action calming her.