Counting Paths

Chapter 15.

Kevin jumps to his feet and rushes to Roland's side. He whispers something in his ear.

Roland frowns. "Can't it wait?"

"No."

Roland looks at me. "Give me five minutes." I force myself to nod, then watch him and Kevin leave the living room.

Roland

Something has Kevin worked up. It makes my blood run cold. I've only seen him like this when one of the boys turns on us.

"What is it?" I ask the back of his head as I follow him into the dining room.

He tosses his phone on the tables and moves to the other side of the table before turning to face me. "Sterling..." he growls.

"Yeah? What about her?"

"Sterling..." He grimaces and shakes his head like his own thoughts are sickening him. He swallows hard. "I don't understand..." he mutters to himself. "How could this slip us?"

"What are you talking about?" I demand to know. "What's wrong with Sterling?!" I snap and he brings his finger to his lips, indicating for me to be quiet as he glances anxiously toward the doorway. I roll my eyes, walk away to the entrance, and peer down the corridor in both directions. "She's not here," I assure him. I return to my spot in the room. "What's going on?"

He lowers his hand from his face. "Sterling...Sterling died three years ago."

I narrow my eyes at him. "That's a sick joke, Kevin."

"I'm serious!" He yells in a hushed voice. "Sterling Jensen was...was...Sterling Jensen was Arleen's firstborn. He died three years ago in a car accident."

"No..." I try to make sense of everything. "No, I meet Arleen and George-"

"Her name is Maya Polance."

"Arleen and George called her Sterling!"

"I don't know what's going on, but she's been lying this whole time...and so have your 'parents.'"

"Are you suggesting a thirteen-year-old girl has been playing us this entire time?"

He lowers his gaze. "Everything was a lie."

"No!" I bark. "There's no fucking way!" I storm out of the room, down the hall, and into the living room where Sterling and Russell are sitting at the bay window. She stiffens out of fear and looks up at me with worried eyes. "Sterling..." My heart's pounding so hard through my body, I'm shaking. "Maya?"

...and I get the truth.

The color drains from her face. "No," she whispers, horrified. "No, no, no, no, no, no-"

"Who the fuck are you?!" I snap. I grab her arm and force her to her feet. She screams and shoves her hands against my chest and arm, trying to shove me off her. "Who the hell are you?!"

"Let me go!"

"Maya!"

"Don't call me that!"

"WHO ARE YOU?!"

"I don't know!" She breaks down into tears. "I don't know, okay?! When he died, I lost a part of me-my happiness, I guess, but mostly my mind too."

I loosen my grip on her upper arm. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"No," she whimpers, shaking her head and shutting her eyes tightly. But not tight enough. Her tears still slip through and pour down her cheeks. "I told you I was screwed up!"

"What are you talking about?!" I yell impatiently.

She squeezes her eyes before forcing them open, then she stares straight ahead at my chest. She gulps. "Sterling was my only happiness in this shitty world," she tells my chest. "Home made me want to kill myself. School made me want to kill myself. I made me want to kill myself. I had nothing and no one for what felt like forever. But then I found out that I had an older, half-brother. During the school year, he visited me every weekend then lived with us during the summer. And it was all because of me. He knew how shitty our mother was and his dad wasn't any better. I gave him the same sense of hope he gave me. With him around, I wanted to live." She shudders, still crying. "After the accident...I blacked out. I blacked out for months. I don't know how, but when I finally came to...I convinced myself that he wasn't gone, not truly anyway. So, I forced myself out of that depressing funk and asked...told everyone to start calling me Sterling. To everyone new, I would introduce myself as Sterling. I would be happy...I would be funny and strong and hopeful...I would be Sterling."