Danford Abbey- Vol. 1: Fiona (Éireann)

1 (PART II)

Back home Fiona confided to Gwyneth about Nathan's progresses, "It is good you are helping him", she commented, "I just would like to see him happy",

"In all these years no gentleman had ever aroused your interest. Now you are spending most of your time with Nathan",

"Gwyneth, I know what you mean. But it is not what you think. Nathan is of the family to us",

"Are you saying you are doing all just because of your benevolent soul?",

"I am doing it for friendship",

"My intuition makes me glimpse something more",

"Your intuition is wrong this time. Besides, how can you 'glimpse' something you have no experience with?",

"Because I've seen it happening",

"If you say so", the two sisters walked towards the house, where they were informed of a ball in a neighborhood manor.

The Everdene sisters were always joyful when there were events in town ​​because it was an opportunity to have fun and get to know some young bachelors. 

Indeed, that night there were several young gentlemen, some of them with the Army's uniform; during the evening Fiona and Gwyneth received several invitations to dance.

Gwyneth had been conversing with a gentleman, but later she commented with Fiona that she considered the talking of gentlemen quite tedious and she was not wrong about it indeed.

The following day Fiona visited Nathan again, this time she found him quite nervous, he was smoking and spoke very little. Fiona offered to read him a book and she went to the library to fetch one, it was an adventure book; while Fiona was reading a passage, Nathan continued it completing the phrase, "You remembered it by heart", Fiona exclaimed, "It was one of my favorite books when I was a kid", Nathan said, "It had always inspired me the protagonist's courage".

When they paused, Nathan asked her: "Why did you come to visit me the first time you came on your own?", Fiona was surprised by the question and said: "What do you mean?", Nathan replied: "Did you pity me?", bewildered Fiona asked: "Is this what you believe? That I am visiting you because I pity you?",

"Than why?",

"Because we are friends",

"That was a long time ago. ...That carefree young man no longer exist. ...Not after the things I have seen. The things I have done...", his voice became distressed, as Fiona listened to him without saying anything, "... I have taken the lives of men",

"You did what you had to do to survive. But don't you think, not even for a moment, it will change my opinion of you", Nathan was impressed by her words and remained silent.

He was about to stand up and she got up coming closer to take his arm, but Nathan pushed her aside, "Don't. I'll do it myself", he said, "As you wish", she replied, "I don't need your help. And I don't need your compassion!", Nathan said with a grave tone, "I have no compassion for you", Fiona said annoyed, "But you are trying hard to misbehave!", she continued, Nathan turned his back and said in a distressed voice: "I did not mean to let you, nor anyone else to see me in this way. That is why I did not receive you and your mother the first time you came", Fiona understood what Nathan was saying, "So you want to lock yourself up in this room to commiserate yourself?", she said to him, Nathan leaned on the bed, "What do you think you know?", he replied, "I do not expect to be able to understand. But you cannot shut everyone out of you", Fiona said standing up, Nathan, troubled, said nothing, "It is better for me to leave you alone for today", Fiona said and she left the room.

As much as Fiona was upset, she understood Nathan's desire not to be commiserated. She used to mention him in her prayers, she prayed for his health and most of all for he to have peace.

On the other hand, Nathan, ever since he had returned, had a tormented soul, he knew he was no longer the same man he used to be before his departure and that he would've never been again.

He had fought because he believed it was something noble, but now he was feeling himself as a useless person and he was haunted by the nightmares of the fightings and all he had seen and the remorse for what he had done.