Keep it a secret / Arthur Leclerc (english)

Chapter 4 (Pias Past)

Trigger warning! This chapter will include eating disorders, as well as panic attacks.

When I entered the meeting room at about 10 am, all the roaches were already gone and my father had already started the meeting. Unsure, I got myself a chair and let my gaze wander over the faces. Of course, all eyes were on me. Including Mr. Hill's view. Panic set in and I started to tremble slightly. I quickly sat down next to my father and looked at the documents in front of me. After half an hour, my father finally got up: "I'm going to end this meeting now. I would also like to thank you for coming in such large numbers. You can now say goodbye and leave this property." After a few more seconds, he turned to me and smiled briefly, "Honey. Mr. Hill would like to speak to you briefly. Just come into the dining room later, okay?" Immediately, the panic built up in me again, but I nodded obediently and stayed seated. When only Mr. Hill was left in the hall, he cleared his throat and I jumped in shock: "Nana. Don't be so scared, little one. I won't hurt you. I just want to talk to you and maybe have some fun. That's nothing new. Besides, I've never hurt you before." Automatically, I remembered last week's burns, which you could still see, but I nodded, shaking, and looked at him uncertainly. A smile curled his lips as he began to speak again, "So how would you feel about moving in with me. We could be alone all day and spend time together. We wouldn't have to worry about getting caught. We would finally be among ourselves. That's what you want, isn't it, little one?" With these words, he stroked my cheek and looked at me expectantly. I shook his hand off in disgust. I finally had enough. A short time later I was standing at the other end of the room staring at the floor.

Mr. Hill looked at me expectantly: "You want that, don't you?" I shook my head resolutely: "No, I don't want that. I want you to leave me alone and get out of there!" Moments later, I was pinned against the wall while a hand closed around my neck. I closed my eyes shakily as a pained whimper escaped me. He was squeezing me more and more and desperately I began to gasp for air. "You're going to move in with me, do you understand?!" I shook my head again and at that very moment he started punching me. Sobbing I lay under him and endured the blows over me.He hit me again and again. My right eye was already swollen shut, my nose was bleeding and my shoulder was starting to hurt more and more. Tears ran down my cheeks as he started attacking me. His hand found its way to my breasts while he choked me again with his other hand. Gasping desperately, I tried to push him away, but I was already too weak to do anything.After about half an hour, he got dressed again, just left me and left. After a few more minutes I shakily got dressed, wiped away my tears and headed down to my room. There I washed off the blood and treated my eye as best I could. I then collapsed onto my bed and stared at the wall. Fear seemed to control me and moments later I curled up into a small ball and started crying again. Why was this all happening to me? Why couldn't he just leave me alone?I left my room only after 4 days. The swelling had gone down a bit and I was now able to cover the bruise with makeup. When I entered the dining room, my father looked at me questioningly: "Hello little one. Do you want something to eat? There's your favorite food." I shook my head slowly and sat down in my seat. I drank my water in silence, trying desperately to keep my stomach from growling. When I couldn't hold back the growl and my father immediately looked at me with concern, tears welled up in my eyes again and I began to tremble. With a sob I jumped up and ran to my room, locking the door and ducking into a corner. The feeling of not being able to breathe slowly built up and panic spread through me again. I sobbed in desperation.I couldn't stand it any longer. Why couldn't I have a normal life? Why did I have to endure this? A sob escaped me again. I was shaking and trying to get my breathing under control. However, that only made it worse. I just gasped desperately for air, had the feeling of hyperventilating and more and more tears ran down my cheeks. I let out a scream, "FUCK!" When the panic attack just didn't get any better, I stormed out of the house.Blinded by tears, I stopped in front of my girlfriend's apartment. I frantically rang the bell and when the door finally opened I stormed straight into the apartment. Tears continued to run down my cheeks and I flopped down on the couch in despair. I buried my hands in my hair and tried to calm down again. As Sara approached me, I immediately retreated to a corner in a panic and stared at her in panic. My best friend sighed slightly, of course she knew immediately what was going on: "Hey, Pia. Calm down. Everything is good. I'm here, nothing can happen to you anymore. you are safe here Trust me, please." She gave me a soft smile, silently asking if she could come closer. I nodded slowly but never took my eyes off her.As Sara sat in front of me, she whispered softly, "Hey... Calm down. Everything is good. I'm here for you. You can tell me anything, okay?" After a few minutes, I actually managed to relax with her help. Sara smiled at me and handed me a glass of water, still shaking slightly I took a sip and managed to smile a little too: "Thanks..."