From The Darkness

The hate inside of me

Race's favorite couch in his life, was the ugly acid green with enough stains to look purposeful. It also happened to be the one he was born on, which Race remembered his mom never quite forgiving his dad for. As he heard the story went she'd felt her water break, and begged her boyfriend to take her to the hospital to which he responded "in a second babe!" And that second, turned into minutes, which turned into hours, which turned into too damn late.

Jack said that after he was born his mother held him like he was the most wonderful thing in her life. Race always wondered if that was the last time his mom held him like that.

His dad on the other hand, had apparently remained completely uninterested, looked at Race for a moment before going right back up to shooting cocaine up his nose.

Jack or Crutchie of course never would tell him that, they liked to pretend like if you put a glass wall between you and the bad things in your life, they would go away.

It was his mom who'd informed him of the fact his dad never loved him from day one, she'd been high off her rocker of course. Jack and Crutchie were at school, but Race had been sent home early for throwing up. He'd heard wheezing and went inside the bathroom to see his mom with a needle up her arm.

"Mama?" Little Racer asked, nervously walking forward.

"Antone," his mom slurred, pulling him forward. "You're such a cute kid, why don't Lorenzo love y'a none."

Race furrowed his eyebrows, "daddy doesn't love me?"

His mama body trembled, a small ounce of blood dripping down where she'd shot the needle. Race couldn't help but stare at it, the dark red staining his mama's pale skin.

"Lorenzo? He doesn't love anybody, hate him. Fu..." she wheezed coughing, Race sniffed the air and noticed a smelly cloud of smoke. "Him, snorting while you were born, making me wait to go to the damn hospital to have a baby. You were so cute and little, what happened?"

Race's eyes prickled with tears, he didn't understand what was happening, "I'm not cute anymore?"

His mother shook his head sadly, "always so nervous, loosen up a bit."

Race blinked, tears streaking across his face. He didn't know how to fix that.

His mothers eyes lightened up, she grabbed rolled up piece of paper, "here, take this."

It was one of those paper rolls his mama and daddy were always chewing. He reached forward and held it, it was warm and almost crunchy.

"Put it in your mouth, suck in, and blow out Antone, it's easy." She took it from him and demonstrated, laughing when she breathed out.

She did look very happy, and Race wanted so hard to be happy.

He picked it up from her and took a small breath, but it was musty and cloudy and filled up his lungs in all the worst ways. Immediately he started coughing.

"Race!" Jack called, slamming the door shut. Using the silly little nickname he got after he ran away at the horse races to go pet the horses. Jack always had silly nicknames for everyone.

"Jack!" Race called out, excited to see his older brother.

The bathroom door opened and Jack coughed waving away the smoke.

"Antonio what are you doing in here?" He asked, a cold tone to his voice Race didn't hear often.

Race frowned, shouldn't it be obvious? "I was seeing mama."