Ablaze Without Flames

Chapter 5, Part 4 - Felix

'Straighten your back. Don't rest your hands on his neck. Stop looking at the ground.'

Felix struggled to keep up with Finnley's orders. He couldn't tell whether the tremor in his hands was a result of his own nervousness or the old horse beneath him, who seemed to shake with every plodding step. Swiftwing was not so swift anymore. It was little comfort to replace Firefoot's charging strength with Swiftwing's trembling; Felix felt as though he would collapse if so much as a pebble got in the way. His legs did not feel secure beneath the thin brown wings that had started to shed straggly feathers.

Finnley walked alongside them, his beady eyes catching every mistake. He moved in to repeatedly force Felix's legs into the correct position until his hips and thighs began to ache. 'You need to find your balance before you get back on Firefoot,' Finnley said.

'I know,' Felix muttered through his teeth.

His toes hadn't touched the ground for hours. Kaden had skipped at Finnley's side for the first two, but disappeared when he grew bored. Swiftwing was his fourth horse. Although he hadn't been allowed to travel any faster than a trot, Felix thought he might be improving. He could sit without hurting himself and turn corners without grabbing a handful of mane.

'Stop there,' Finnley commanded.

As soon as he took his heels off the horse's sides, Swiftwing halted. Felix swung his leg over the old horse's back and landed heavily on the ground. He toppled forwards as his knees threatened to give way and had to catch himself on Swiftwing's shoulder. Supporting himself on his own two feet felt somewhat strange.

'Good,' said Finnley as he grabbed hold of Swiftwing's reins. 'Another few weeks and we might get you in the air.'

'I'd prefer to stay on the ground, actually. I like the ground.'

Felix gave the horse a pat on the neck. Finnley opened his mouth to argue, Felix thought, but a call interrupted him.

'Felix!'

One hand grasping her skirt, Tamsyn raced up the hill as fast as her dress would allow. Black wisps of hair had escaped their braids and stuck to the back of her neck. Her cheeks blotchy and her eyes glassy, she ignored both Finnley and Swiftwing, who jerked his nose up when she bolted by, and grabbed Felix's elbow.

'Papa's hurt,' she panted.

Felix felt as though he had swallowed a cup of ice water that had gotten stuck in his chest. 'I'm sorry!' he called over his shoulder as he took off running down to the village. Tamsyn hurried at his shoulder.

He ploughed into a she-kitsune in his haste as soon as he stepped foot back in the village and sent her reed basket flying. Orb fruits tumbled from the sides and rolled across the cobbles. She shrieked and fell to her knees, trying to catch them all. Felix slid to a halt and Tamsyn bumped into his back. He recognised her; her pup had not survived the birth last month. She glared at him and Tamsyn, her emerald eyes red-rimmed and underlined with tight, bruised skin. Felix bent to help her but Tamsyn grabbed his arm and hauled him along.

Their father sat between their house and the next, propped up against the wood-panelled wall. Three kitsunes stood around him, muttering with each other about what to do with him. Felix pushed his way to his father's side and Tamsyn shooed them away with a monstrous glare.

'Papa?' Felix asked, kneeling beside him and resting a hand on his shoulder. Tamsyn stood on his other side. Their father opened his sapphire eyes a slit. His hair, as dark as his pups' and damp with sweat, had fallen across his face. One leg was outstretched and the other was caught beneath him at an unnatural angle. The hems of his trousers were torn and jagged and his tail was caked in mud.

'Leave me here,' their father muttered. 'I'll be okay in a moment.'

Felix shared a helpless look with his sister. 'Don't be ridiculous,' she scolded, bending down to rub his ear. 'We can't leave you here. Let's get you into bed and you can rest. You'll be back on the market tomorrow.'

Their father rasped a harsh laugh.

'We're not leaving you out here,' Felix repeated. 'Help us or don't help us, we'll get you into bed.' He wrapped an arm around his father's middle and pulled an arm around his shoulders. 'Help me, Tam,' he grunted.

She wrapped her hands under her father's other arm and together they hefted him to his feet. He was not especially big and Felix tried with all his might to hide the pain in his lower back. Their father's good leg hopped between them, attempting to bear some of his weight. The left leg dragged behind them, completely useless. Felix shouldered open their front door and half dragged his father inside with Tamsyn supporting his other side. Together they looked at the ladder leading up to the attic and then at each other. Even with two of them they would not be able to carry him up there.

With a silent agreement, they changed course to their bedroom. The heavy curtain dragged across each of them in turn, mussing their hair and blocking their sight momentarily. A large portion of Tamsyn's hair fell free of its binding. Their father fell diagonally onto the mattress and cast an arm across his eyes.

'I didn't want this,' he murmured. 'I didn't want this for either of you. First your mother...'

'Hush,' Tamsyn said, sounding as though she had attempted to swallow a whole fruit. 'Just rest now. Felix and I will take your room tonight.'

Their father didn't answer and didn't look up. Felix and Tamsyn shared a helpless glance before she took hold of his arm and dragged him back through the curtain, leaving their father to rest in silence.

'It's getting worse,' she whispered, the words wavering. Felix nodded, clawing a hand through his hair as he stared at the curtain. When they were young pups their father had had his leg broken by an okami as punishment for trespassing and had never properly healed. He had walked with a slight limp ever since, but some days he couldn't bear any weight on it at all. Those days were becoming ever more frequent.

'What can we do?' she asked as one tear traced its track down her cheek. Felix pulled her close and she wrapped her arms around his back, clinging to his shirt.

'We'll be all right,' he promised. 'We're always all right.'