Chapter 18: Insecure

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He looked ethereal. So serene, so peaceful. I hope he remains healthy and happy all throughout his life now.

I'll try my best to protect him. Not only physically but also emotionally. He might face difficulties in controlling his emotions hence by now, I'll have to help him throughout the journey.

Unknowingly I caressed Alexander's soft brown locks. He stirred in sleep and woke up in the succeeding seconds.

"Why are you awake Mia? Is everything okay?" He asked. His voice was deep and raspy due to sleepiness.

"Everything is alright. I couldn't sleep." I shrugged. He took off his blanket and spread his arms. I raised an eyebrow not understanding what he's trying to do. He pulled me by my arm and I landed on his chest.

"Get up on me, Mia." He said. Adjusting myself properly, I cuddled up with Alexander. My pulse rose at the proximity.

He slowly caressed my scalp, while I slept on his chest, legs tangled with his.

"What's the matter, Mia?" He asked slowly. "I know something is bothering you." He said softly.

"It's.. just.. Ethan looked so happy when Ava announced her pregnancy. I am scared. What if I can never give you that happiness?" I whispered.

I was never insecure of myself. But I couldn't help it today.

"What if you really want a child of your own but I couldn't give you? What if you fall out of love because of the same reason?" I whispered clearly showcasing my insecurities.

"I love you Mia. I love you too much to let any reason compel me to fall out of love. I was in complete darkness before you came into my life. You were the one who literally pulled me out of the darkness and toxicity that was gradually consuming me to death.

I gave you a clear choice to leave me then. What did you do? Did you leave me alone because you were afraid of your life? Or did you stay with me to fight my fears?" He asked softly, with his fingers still in my locks.

"I stayed." I mumbled.

"Then how can you think I'll leave you? Let alone fall out of love." He asked.

"I love you way too much to go back. I've never been so dependent on anyone else. Don't you ever break my heart, little dove. Okay?" He asked.

I simply nodded.

"And if we ever plan for a child and not be able to conceive one, we can always adopt." He suggested.

"Anyways, the process sounds gross. I am absolutely not passing on my children from my body to yours via my urinary tract atleast." He scrunched up his nose making me chuckle.

"Wait till you beg for the same gross process to happen every night." I mumbled.

"Hmm? Did you say something?" He asked. I shook my head in no.

He kissed the top of my head and hugged me tighter. Both of soon drifted off to sleep, in each other's arms.

The succeeding morning, I was still cuddled up in Alexander's chest. The warmth emitting from his body kept my nightmares away and helped me to sleep like a baby.

I heard shuffling and muffled voices around me but I was too sleepy to open my eyes and see what's going on. Suddenly, a bright light was flashed for a fraction of second. I squinted my eyes tight to block the light.

"Couldn't you keep your flash off! You're waking her up!" I heard a whisper.

"Oh but they're looking so cute!" Another voice said.

I was confused of the commotion. I squeezed my eyes tightly and then opened them. Blinking a few times, I got a clear view of the commotion. The Smiths. Ofcourse.

"Oh Hey Amy!" Ethan greeted. Ava slapped his shoulder. "Keep your voice down. Alexander is still asleep." She made everyone notice.

"I can't ever remain asleep with you guys being so loud." A deep voice rumbled under me. Sighing and mentally being ready to get teased, I got up. Alexander yawned and scratched his jaw before sitting upright.

"Okay. You guys can begin." I said putting my head on Alexander's shoulder. He slowly wrapped his arm around me to make sure I don't fall, incase I was still sleepy.

"I don't think I stink enough to shoo you out of your own room, Amayra." Sophia teased.

"Mmm hmm. You definitely don't." I said with my eyes drooping close.

"She ain't like you darling. She, unlike you, can't be apart from her husband even for a night. You, on the other hand, were snoring last night rather than checking and missing your husband." James pouted.

Sophia gaped her mouth and slapped James on his shoulder. "I don't snore!" She argued.

"Says who?" James encountered.

"Me!" Sophia stood on her ground.

Sophia and James continued their playful banter while I and Alexander watched them sleepily. Ava and Ethan had a small smile playing on their lips as they stood watching their parents argue like children.

Dad stood at the corner silently. His eyes clearly portrayed the longingness he felt for my mom. He watched everything with a sad smile.

I excused myself from the living room and walked towards my cupboard. Extracting a velvet box, I walked back into the living room. The commotion was still taking place. I felt Alexander's eyes on me.

I patted my dad's shoulder. He turned around and took me into a side hug.

"Are you missing mom?" I asked softly.

"Yeah. I can't move on even after 15 years. I guess I never can." He smiled with teary eyes.

"I got you something." I said and handed the box to him. He took the box and slowly opened it. His eyes widened and tears streamed out of his eyes slowly.

I can never see him cry and not cry myself. With a sad smile and tears streaming down my own cheeks, I saw him clutching on the pendant and weeping, muttering mom's name continuously.

Alexander was by my side now. The commotion already died down and all of them had glossy eyes now. Alexander took me into a hug while a weeped on his chest, remembering my mother, yet again.
~~~

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