when they call my name

ch. 20

"Good evening miss." The door opens slowly as a young nurse and an older gentleman follow. The expression on the doctor's face does not make me feel any better than before. "How're you feeling?"

I try to sit up, but these wires feel like a hundred pounds. "Where's Christian?" I ask.

They exchange glances. "Can you tell us your name?"

"Alexandria Black." I manage to say, the weight of the IVs rushing to my head. "Why am I here? Where is Christian?"

You know exactly why you're here, little angel.

The doctor sighs. "We will come back to check on you later." Then they both leave without another one.

I feel like I am about to go insane without Christian nearby. The pleasure of ripping these IVs out of my skin and scream his name until my lungs give out.

Looking straight out of the window pane on the wall, I notice the television right above the nurse's station. Faintly on the screen it looks like a concert is replaying on the news. I squint my eyes, but it is no use. I press the red call button, but no one comes.

I wait a few more seconds at the distant screen before I realize it's showing Christian and Natalie's faces.

"N-Nurse." I barely make out. Why is no listening to me?

Because you're just a body to them, human. This is what happens to girls who don't listen.

Antares' voice in my head is maddening. I attempt to roll onto my side just enough to place my feet on the floor, struggling to stand as the pain shoots everywhere. The weight on my shoulders feels like the worst and heaviest form of pressure on my chest.

With each step I take I feel the icy tiles beneath. It takes every muscle within me to keep myself upright. I feel my body fall forward, the closed door catching my fall. I manage to open the door and put all my body weight onto the frame. My hair falls over my eyes while I stare up at the tv.

One of the nurses finds me at last. "Miss.Black, we need to-"

"Turn the volume up." I manage to point. "Please."

The nurse nods with a sorrowful expression on her face, reaching for the remote.

Benjamin appears on screen. "Yes, we are excited and looking forward to our North America tour starting this week and the full album right behind it. We know the fans have been looking forward to this for a long time, and we are grateful."

A small clip of Landon and Christian on stage together almost brings a smile to my face. Maybe that's why he isn't here...he's doing band stuff.

Then, a live segment. My ears begin to ring as a young woman comes to his side and he throws his arm around her. They smile together, and I can see the admiration in her eyes.

Gabriella.

"I've been by his side throughout this entire journey and it's amazing to watch his dream come true. I love Christian so much and I'm excited to see what he does next!" She says into the mic, and Christian responds with a kiss to her head.

I'm numb. I swallow the metallic taste in my mouth and wait for the tears that never come.

The nurse from earlier comes around the desk, but as soon as her delicate hand rests on my shoulder, I flinch. "Do not touch me."

The doctor from before steps in to intervene. "Alexandria-"

"I said don't fucking touch me!" I yell, shoving his hand back. The images flooding my brain consists of the most horrifying things, so much that if I ever told somebody, I'd be strapped in a straight jacket.

Christian's head bashed on the sidewalk with my blood on his hands.

Good girl, you're learning.

SHUT UP ANTARES!

I start to hyperventilate. The images in my make it so I can't focus. My throat tightens as I'm gasping for air like a fish out of water.

That's right, human. Go ahead, scream. Scream his name.

"Someone page Doctor Ryan!" A voice gets lost in the crowd as I crash into something hard, my limbs thrashing around.

Let everyone know who has done this to you, human. Scream his name until the depths of hell can hear you.

"CHRISTIAN!" I scream out, loud enough for my body to start shaking. I feel no remorse for screaming how I am.

I scream his name again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

I scream loud enough for the entire hospital to hear me losing my mind. Loud enough to the point of arm restraints.

I'm trapped in my own head, forced to watch a young woman who looks like me drench herself in Christian's blood and tear his heart out. His own screams replace mine, hoping its loud enough for the deepest pit of hell to hear.

I'll kill him...whatever it takes.