Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Fifty One

Lou held the phone tightly, her knuckles almost turning white, "And now I am transferring here because that fucking Debbie Ocean is here. From a con, to a lawyer and now what?  A teacher?" She asked as she started pacing back and forth on the porch, "And really? At Blaire's school? Of all the fucking states of America, why is she here?"

"Maybe she is following you both?"

The blonde stopped and sat on one of the chairs on her porch, "Oh, fuck her."

Tammy started laughing on the phone, "No, you fuck her."

"I'm not joking, Tam."

"Neither do I. I am telling you, your ex-wife is coming back...again."

"She has no rights anymore. I don't want her back."

"Is that your truth, Lou?" Suddenly, like the great best friend that she was, Tammy asked seriously.

Lou was silent and it took her a few seconds before she responded in a low whisper, "Yes." She answered before curling up her feet against her chest, "I don't want to go all through it again, Tam. I've had enough. I don't want to be broken again. She has left me twice. Twice is already enough."

"Reality check, she didn't leave you. Last time it was you who threw the engagement ring back. It was you who left her as you said."

"Because she has a husband. And I don't wanna be her clandestine lover. I don't want to be kept underneath her bed. And more so, I don't want to risk Blaire. "

"God, I don't know." Tammy grunted on the phone and it was then followed by a huge sigh, "I don't know what to tell you anymore except that don't transfer Blaire. And also, I'm not joking, your ex-wife is coming back."

"There's nothing to come back for anymore. Goodnight. Tell the husband I said hello."

"Goodnight you. Tell Blaire I miss her."

And when the call ended, Lou gave up an immense sigh. A sigh of having to kiss an unmeasureable burden. She did not know what to do anymore. Now that Debbie was in the same state as her, and in Blaire's school, it felt like destiny was trying to pick her heart up again. Lou shook her head as she cussed. Fuck you, Debbie. Fuck you.  With that, she  finally decided to actually rest because for the whole day of worrying about the brunette, she felt like she hadn't blinked. As soon as Lou got inside, she right away, trudged to where her room was. The blonde sat on her bed as she placed her phone back on the bedside table. 11:47 PM  the clock appeared. Damn it. I should have brought a vodka with me here, Lou thought. But the exhaustion she felt made her pause and eventually, the blonde let her body fell on the bed.

The room was quite. Except for the gentle tick tock of her wall clock. Lou noticed that the lucky bamboo plant she had in her room was not that healthy and she made a mental note that she was gonna water it enough tomorrow. Other than the plant, Lou noticed nothing, except that the room felt cold, but not colder than the other side of her bed. The side where Debbie should have been sleeping. Lou, with the million pang of hurt in her heart, ran her hand gently on the other side of the bed. Gradually, memories of her and Debbie sharing their nights together started seeping into the blonde's veins, like venom travelling so hard into her nerves and without noticing, Lou was already sobbing on the bed. She couldn't count how many times she had cried because of Debbie and she so badly wanted to kick herself for still crying over her after all these years. She badly wanted to forget Debbie, to finally be at peace knowing that Debbie wasn't hers anymore, wasn't meant to be hers in the beginning, but how could she when she had Debbie tattooed on her? Lou rolled on her stomach, eventually burying her face on a pillow trying hard to stop herself from crying when her phone rang again. Whatever Tammy was going to say again, Lou knew she was bound to tell her a little bit of her truth too and that night, she did.

"Tam, I am happy. Finally happy with Blaire." She sniffed as she continued to cry, "But I miss her. I miss her so badly. And fuck it, it has been five fucking years, but I still find myself on some nights, crying because I miss her. And tonight, I'm here on my bed, crying again. Fuck this, Tam. I do not know what to do anymore." Lou's tears fell even harder before she honestly uttered her last phrase, "I miss Debbie....so much."

Tammy didn't reply and Lou continued to cry on the phone, letting the other blonde hear her cries of yearning. The line felt a little eery until Lou heard a sigh on the other line before it was followed by the sound of a bed, as if Tammy had gotten up. Lou didn't care about what Tammy would say anymore; if the other blonde would tease her that she was as soft as an egg, Lou wouldn't care. All she wanted to do was to tell her a pinch of her well-kept truth and she did. Lou waited for Tammy to speak, but Tammy didn't because Tammy was not the one on the phone.

"Louise? It's Debbie." That soft, velvety voice.

Lou jolted up to sit on her bed and looked at the screen on her phone. Fuck it. It's not Tammy, but an unknown number. Damn it.

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