What I never told you (ReaderxDazai)

SAN JUU ROKU

"Stop it, you two!!" Out of the blue, a female's voice took us by surprise, and without a moment to react, a body was placed between me and Chuuya. The ginger stopped in mid-air, startled and concerned, and I shot my eyes open, wondering where she came from and why she reacted like that. "Please!!"

The two of us got frozen in the spot, completely forgetting about the fight. From the corner of my eye, the crowd that had appeared a while ago vanished just like dust, leaving the three of us completely alone. Kera's features showed she was overdoing it, hiding as well as she could the pain she was experiencing, but still, she didn't complain.

"Why would you even step into this, Kera!? You're injured like this because of him!!" Chuuya said, pushing himself away from us and sitting on the ground. When my legs were finally free from his weight, Kera also pushed herself away, sitting on the ground, too. When I looked at her, I noticed the thick bandages under her trousers, and the thought that she had to go through all of that pain because of me, even if she had been treated with an ability, made my heart skip a beat.

"This is nobody's fault, Chuuya!!" She suddenly yelled, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "We couldn't predict our man would betray us, much less that the place would blow up like it did!! Nobody would have been able to tell what would happen. Nobody. If everything has turned out like this... well, it has already happened and it cannot be changed. But what we can still change is the future." She then looked at the two of us, clenching her fists tightly as they rested on her lap. "The three of us should be trying to find the ware that disappeared, and not fight... We're partners, and partners should help each other, not hurt each other... Once we are on the outside, we only have us. It's just us. That's why we have to fend for each other, can't you see it?" Her voice cracked, and she had to take a deep breath before saying anything else or she would start crying her eyes out. "You two are really dear to me, and I hate to see you aching this bad..."

"Kera..." Chuuya spoke her name with sorrow in his voice. He stood up and, after cleaning some dry blood on the corner of his mouth, he came next to me, lending me a hand to stand up. He didn't dare look at me, but it was his attempt to make amends. Without thinking it twice, I took his offer, and incorporated.

"I'll be inside searching for something in the documents..." he half-heartedly stated, stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking towards HQ, feeling ashamed and intimidated by Kera's reaction. However, she smiled feebly at him, and let him breath some fresh air to cool down.

"We should head inside, too." She told me, lending me her delicate hand. I wanted to take it, but, at that moment, something inside me clicked, and I was unable to.

Instead, I did something I would have never thought I'd manage to do with an ego like mine.

"I'm sorry." I whispered looking at my sore feet. It was hard at that time, but apologizing was utterly new to me, and I didn't exactly know what I should do. "For letting you get hurt, Kera. And for fighting Chuuya. I really am."

On the spur of the moment, a couple arms embraced me in a tight hug. The warmth was so unfamiliar that I felt awfully lost for a couple of seconds, as though my brain was unable to process human affection.

"It's not your fault, Dazai. Don't try to carry all this burden on your own, because it will only weigh you down. Share it with me, and then I promise everything will be fine." She whispered in my ear, caressing my head. With care, she pulled herself away from the hug, and, without warning, she rubbed the skin below my eye with her thumb, revealing to me the salty tears that I first dropped in my life.

It was true.

That day, it was the first one I couldn't control my emotions. The first time I showed to somebody the fear and pain inside of me.

I wished I could stop, but it was hopeless. I pressed myself against her chest and sobbed like a little child, apologizing once, twice, thrice... I howled and screamed, drowning the sound with her shirt, and my chest ached so much I thought I truly would be dying in her arms.

But, instead of that, I found the comfort of her touch, her scent and, lastly, her voice when she sang a lullaby to heal the broken pieces of my darkened soul.

"Let the pain in your heart

Make you stronger tonight

Let all your woes depart

And I'm sure you'll see the light

Let the wind guide your way

The starry sky bless your eyes

Sorrow go away

I will be okay

There won't be more silent cries..."

Every word and every tune made me shiver. I didn't know why, but she made me grow weak and gain strength at the same time, letting a feeling of belonging thrive inside me.

"Shhh... It's alright, Dazai. Everything will be fine. And, if it is not, I will still be here to try and make it alright for you. So you can find a reason to live." With that last sentence, I fell into a deep dream, wishing it was not a lie for me to calm down, but a truth I could treasure with me for the rest of my life.

Even after we tracked down the Angel Dust ware.

Even after every single mission we fulfilled.

Even after I left the Port Mafia for good.

But only now that I have her by my side once again, only now that we have been honest with one another... Only now can I say she will never go back on her word.

Because, after all, she has already given me that reason.