You can't be my mum (a Lucy Bronze fanfic) - Book 1

Chapter 30 - proud

All I wanted to do was hold Rosie and never let go. To reassure her that everything would be alright in the end. To make her feel safe in my arms and be able to trust me enough to tell me what's going on inside her head. It seemed that the last thing she wanted me to do was protect her from the demons she was fighting. She would refuse to talk about the situation with anyone other than the doctors. I understood that she probably felt that talking to them was more beneficial because they were medically trained, but it hurt that she wouldn't utter a word to either Keira or me. A lot. 

When it got to around dinner time, Millie and Rach began to get ready to leave. They went over to Rosie and tried to give her a hug but she moved to the side and awkwardly said, "sorry...err...bye?". Confusion was written on their faces as they said goodbye to me. Keira said that she was going to walk with them to their car so that left me and Rosie. 

She turned to face me with a wobbly smile, "you and Keira can leave as well. There's no need for you to stay here". Taken a-back with what she said, I frowned and told her straight, "If I wanted to leave, I would have done it the moment we were reunited last year. I'm not going anywhere". She insisted, "no it's fine, go home. You don't need to be here". I looked at her and said sternly but gently, "Rosie, I'm not going anywhere". She looked away from me and mumbled, "please". I sat back in the uncomfortable hospital chair and sighed. I had been at this hospital since she got here - 3 days. Neither Keira or I had slept in our own beds for 3 days. Georgia was looking after Narla until Rosie was finally released from this prison. I had thought about going home for maybe an hour or so, but I always stopped myself. What if something happened and I wasn't here? How would I cope if she left this world and I was sat at home watching TV? No matter the exhaustion and mental pain, I had to stay with her. I would only blame myself more if something terrrible occurred. 

The next day

Rosie's POV:

"okay Rosie. After multiple assessments, I have decided that you will be able to go home today" the doctor told me. My heart sank. I couldn't go home. Not yet. In hospital there were people monitoring me 24/7. What would happen if they weren't there to prevent me from trying again? My heart longed for my own house, but my brain was telling me that I couldn't trust myself. I felt darkness enclosing in on me as my eyelids covered my eyes. Unsure whether I fell asleep or fainted, the next thing I heard was Lucy's voice laced with concern, "why is that machine beeping so much?" The doctor replied calmly in contrast to Lucy, "it's just her heart rate decreasing". Lucy cornered him with questions, "Why is it decreasing? What's happened?". The doctor answered her questions, "when you faint, the blood vessels expand. This causes blood to pool in the lower body resulting in less blood returning to the heart and brain. That's why she has low blood pressure and a low heart rate. It will sort itself out when she wakes up. Nurse can you elevate her legs immediately?". I felt a cushion of some sort being placed under my legs and the doctor explained to Lucy, "that will help the blood flow to the brain again". Even though I could hear everything that was being said in the room, half of my body still felt numb and the other half was tingling. I tried to open my eyes and was successfull, giving me a full scan of the room - Lucy looking terrified, Keira trying to stay calm, 2 nurses next to me and the doctor at the foot of my bed. Keira rushed over to me when she saw the movement in my eyes and pulled me into a hug. Flinching and pulling away from her as quickly as possible, she asked, "what happened?". I brought my hand up to my head and rubbed my forehead, "I have no idea". Even though I knew I fainted due to the thought of going home and being unsafe, I didn't want to worry them anymore than they already were. 

I was handed a glass of water and the doctor spoke, "as I was saying before you fainted, we will be discharging you from the hospital today". I mumbled, "I don't think that's a good idea". Lucy narrowed her eyes at me and asked, "I thought you wanted to go home?". I shook my head, not daring to look at her and told the doctor, "I just fainted. I can't go home". He raised his eyebrow, "you fainted out of anxiety, not out of illness. You're going home". I tried to protest but was shut down immediately. When he left, Lucy and Keira stared at me and Keira asked, "why don't you want to go home?". Mumbling quietly but just enough for them to hear, I said, "I dunno. Just don't feel ready". Lucy stated confidently, "you don't trust yourself". Fuck her and her ability to read my mind. I bit my lip and replied slowly, "no...I didn't say that". Once again she told me exactly what I was thinking, "but it's true". Keira spoke up in a sympathetic voice, "Rosie, we're all here for you and whatever you need. But you will never fully recover in this awful place, you need to be back at home with us and Narla". I shrugged my shoulders and began to stand up but got tangled in all these wires that were now attached to me, "what the fuck?". One of the nurses in the corner explained, "they were measuring your heart rate and blood pressure. Don't worry, nothing serious". Whenever I had reluctantly watched a show set in a hospital on TV, the people with all the wires attached to them looked so helpless. Was that what I looked like? I couldn't bare to think about the shock I must have given Lucy and Keira. One minute I was strong and confident, arguing with Lucy about those stupid videos on my instagram, and the next minute I was an emotional wreck wired up to all these machines that were making beeping noises constantly.