Fight me. I dare you. 1.5

Chapter Twenty-Three.

Rainer, age nineteen.

I'm fucking pissed. River has been with the High Court for four fucking months. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I don't know where she is. All I know is she's alive. That's it. I can't feel anything else.

I can't tell if she's hurt. I can't get into her mind. I don't know if she's gone insane yet. Or if she shut off her emotions. I don't know a damn thing. The kids were worried and freaked out. Nothing we say made them feel better. They can tell she's alive but like me that's all they get.

The other Alphas were jumpy and worried. Our herd was on shaky ground. River is the backbone of the herd. Without her, no one knew what to do. For two months, we were in shambles. I forced myself to take her role. Till she's able to get back. I finally got the kids to stop freaking out, they're still worried but so am I so it's fine. I got the Alphas to pull their big boy pants on and do their damn jobs.

Got everyone to go to work and do their normal shit instead of trying to figure out how to get to River then get her out. Which all of their plans never went anywhere because we didn't know where to start. I've put on a strong front for everyone, been the one they come to now. For everything, instead of River. I hate that I play this role perfectly. I hate that it's so easy, comes naturally to me. To play her role in the herd.

I hate it all. I know why I can. And I hate that even more. The line of Royal Majestics that River and I come from, can flip genders if the first born female is killed. We figured that out after we learned both of us can change our genders. Neither of us thought that would pass onto us since we're Forsaken and probably not able to take the Majestic throne.

But it did. So when River dies, I will have to take her place in the herd, my instincts won't give me a choice. If I don't find a mate in the year she dies, I will die. Our herd will be left without us. Demitrius, Star and Astro could do it but they'd struggle for a long while. We share the responsibilities because it's easier on all of us. But I don't want to do this without River. I can't. I can't live without her. She's my other half.

I don't know how to act without her. I can take care of everything with the herd without her but that's different. Everyday things on the other hand, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. I always base my reactions off of hers, I've always done it.

Now she's in some holding cell, where their doing fuck knows what to her. And I'm alone. I hate this. I fucking hate everything about this. "Why are you still in bed? You better not be sleeping." I hear Ansel stump into my room.

"I'm not sleeping. I'm thinking." I grumble into my pillow. I may or may not be hiding in my bed. To avoid the sad eyes of my herd.

"Well no more. Get up. We've got things to do, people to see. Let's go." Ansel's foot hits my side and throws me off the bed. I grunt as I hit the floor, I'm going to have a fucking bruise on my side.

"Dick." I huff and sit up to glare over the bed at Ansel. He's got his hands on his hips and a stern expression. "What do you need?"

"I need you to get your butt up. It's your turn to cook lunch. Which should have been started fifteen minutes ago but someone was still in bed. I've got to get going, so get up and get moving or I'll send Demitrius in here to get you moving." With that Ansel spins on his heel and leaves.

I sigh and force myself to get off the damn floor and get moving like Ansel said. This is going to be another long day with that the one person I need.

Angus.

I slam my fist into the punching bag, again and again. "It's not right. We should get her out of there." I snap and keep throwing my fists into the bag.