Ash and ink

Chapter four : taken care of

Matteo is like a dad to Ash so any pet names used in a paternal way rather than romantic - Emi xx
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People often ask me who takes care of me. My answer is always the same I do.

Yes I like to let people know I am free to take care of them any time but I hate the idea of burdening someone and making them take care of me.

I often forget to take care of myself but I always end up taking care of myself.

I was sat watching greys anatomy, while editing the same vlog from the day before.

I was in my office so I could use my pc rather than my laptop which is considered prehistoric now.

I got it when I turned twelve and I hadn't wanted to buy myself a new one as it had sentimental value.

My laptop was a refurbished MacBook and the last gift my brother bought me. I wanted to keep it as a memory of him.

"Hello?" I said as I answered my phone tiredly.

"Ash, are you taking care of yourself over there it been a year since I left and we haven't talked?" Matteo asked.

"Arlo died, I found my family and my chronic illnesses are still chronic. So everything is just peachy." I muttered feeling as if he was just patronising me.

"Hey, I was being genuine, no need to be angry at me sunshine." Matteo joked.

"I am sorry, it been a rough couple of weeks." I exhaled.

"Tell me about it?" He asked me.

"Well mother called me, said I was a murderer for not being willing to die for my brother, I missed a call from Arlo who knew mother had called me, I got new gear for my medical alert shit, I now have a bracelet that is programmed to called five of my desired contacts and the ambulance if I have a seizure in public. I am streaming for my fans and trying to edit a video for release next week also the last gift Arlo gave me is going to be dead in a week so I am in need of a new laptop and as always I need upgrade parts of my setup for my viewer's experience and I don't think I will have the money to do everything I need this month and pay the bills. I found out
Arlo was one of my biggest supporters and he was sober before he passed but he had fucked his kidney from the years of alcohol abuse. I don't know why but I haven't been able to sleep in a long time my seizures are becoming more frequent." I explained almost hyperventilating due to the stress I am currently going through.

The only constant in my life is the fact that my diabetes is well managed and there are very few problems.

"Hey, Ash, I need you to breathe for me and go lay down somewhere just incase!" Matteo said calmly.

I had my breathing under control but suddenly felt really ill.

I ran to my bathroom with my phone in hand while I was being sick, I knew Matteo would be texting someone either Wilbur, Phil or Ranboo.

"Okay, Ash honey do you feel like you are going to have a seizure?" He asked me in a serious tone.

Whilst gasping for air due to being violently sick I tried to mutter a simple yes but struggled.

"Okay, baby I have contacted Phil which I know isn't exactly ideal but he and Kristen will be there soon. But if you are going to seize and feel it coming I need you to get a towel and prop your head up." Matteo explained.

I flushed the toilet and rolled a towel so I could have some protection for my head for when I am seizing.

When I gained consciousness it felt like I had been hit by a car.

What didn't help was the brain fog it was almost thicker than usual.

I was aware of the presence of someone but my body felt so weak and before I knew it I was seizing again.

When I came around the second time I felt the fog lifted instantly. I noticed both Phil and Kristen were here Kristen was holding my hand.

"Hey, you're okay we aren't going anywhere." Kristen said soothing me.

I wondered how long I had been seizing for because Phill and Kristen where in New castle and Brighton is quite far away from there. When I say far I mean a five hour train journey away.

"It's okay. You were conscious for about an hour between each seizure, you had about four seizures hun," I heard Kristen say voice full of sympathy.

"Did I bite my tongue again?" I asked feeling an all too familiar sting.

"Sometime during the third seizure you bit it." Phill said returning with a glass of water.

"Dadza!" I said smiling at him causing both the adults in the room to chuckle.

"Ash!" Phil said matching my energy.

Sometimes after seizures it almost like I am drunk. All of my judgment goes out the window and I become all smiley.

Kristen helped me up and to my living room where we all settled.

Kristen was sat next to me she was still running her hand through my hair and holding my hand.

Neither of us had made an effort to let go of the other, I was terrified if I let go I would have another seizure and maybe this time I would blank out a week of my life or worse this time I might never wake up.

Kristen could see the cogs turning in my head.

"Hey Ash what should we watch on the tv?" She asked me distracting me from my thoughts.

"Holes, it's the best Disney movie ever, I gave Arlo a black eye once for telling me it was dog shit." I laughed while Kristen looked shocked.