+*+* Chaos Is Beautiful +*+*

I Need To Work With What I have

It's hard for me to go home
Be so lonelyTo be so lonely, to be so
To be so lonely

That's exactly how I felt.

Lonely. No one was there. I mean there were people but I never felt it.

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch
Who can't admit when he's sorry

And here's the beat drop aka my favourite part.

 Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons
I know that you're tryna be friends
I know you mean it

The wind was slowly nipping at my face. I was numb. I loved it and hated it at the same time.

To be so lonely, to be so
To be so lonely
To be so lonely, to be so
To be so lonely . . .

The song ended and the next one continued but this time I blurred it out of my head. Last thing I heard was Tommy singing softly and a new song playing until it was just buzzed out. It was one of my skills. Being able to buzz out everything from my head so easily.

Most of the times.

One of the reasons I love music so much is because when a song starts it goes on until it reaches the climax which leads to the end of the song. But even the song is over a new one comes on and you get to experience the slow build up to the chorus, the first chorus, the build up to the climax and then the climax in itself and finally the slow ending.

And you can go over and over again.

It was like life. You build up to the changing moments of your life.

Graduation. The day you lost your virginity. The day you learnt to drive a car. The day you fell in love for the first time.

Then the highest point of life. Whatever you want it to be it would be. But we can't control what our climax is.

Fate does.

Then slowly the climax slows down taking us on another whirlwind if we have time.

But most of the time we don't. We sit and regret all our choices instead of being happy we reached to the highest point.

Because some people don't. They either have no time or they never got the chance. There may be other reasons but these are the main ones.

How did I know all of this?

My sister once told me. She was victim to this but even though she never had the time she met her climax. Multiple times. She said if you consider your favourite moments to be those moments then you can climb up there a thousand times.

It all depends on whether you are ready to work hard to get there. Whether you want to get there.

The thing is, when it's music you get the feeling so many times. Each song gives a different feeling.

That is one of the BIGGEST reasons I love music. I'm infatuated by it.

I see the same grocery shop that helped me locate where I was a few days ago. We end up stopping at the shop because we needed some groceries. It was normally Tommy who did all that. He was actually a good cook. Not as good as me but average. Like he wouldn't die if I left one day.

But that would NEVER happen. He hasn't left me. So, I won't be leaving him any time soon.

He gets out of the car and into the small grocery shop. Sure, it wasn't a Walmart or Best Buy but it was what supplied us with food for the last 3 years. We had trust in this place. It was called Le Grand Épicier which directly translates to, The Big Grocer from French, as Wilbur had informed me. I did know a little French considering the fact it was Tommy and my 2nd language for the 8th,9th and 10th grade.

But I barely did good in it that time.

I had too much happening.

Anyways, while all of that was processing through my head Tommy returned with a full bag (which was thick af), went back in and retrieved a second big bag. One with actual groceries and the other, presumably, filled up with cans of sprite and coke. He put them in the trunk and continued driving.

30 seconds later we're met with the gate of our house. We had a lovely bungalow. It was really pretty in my opinion.

It was a dark grey. There were overgrown vines around. It was a bit vintage. The previous owner was 75 when he sold it to us. He said it was originally for his wife, his kids and himself but since his wife had passed the year before and his kids had moved out it made no sense for him to keep it. I cried that day.

I'm a bit of an empath.

Of course, Tommy and I made some changes. Made it a little modern and usable. An example is the interior. We had changed the furniture and we customized our rooms. Ok mainly I did that part. I loved to decorate. No judgement, ok?

The garden had a white fence and numerous garden gnomes. Tommy had a bit of a 'thing' for them.

There were many more things I could have told you about. But I'll keep that for some other time.

We exit the car. I volunteered to carry the groceries when I saw Tommy struggling to carry everything at once. I take the bags. They were slightly heavy but no match to me. I was strong enough. Tommy proceeded to carefully grab his guitar and my small bag that I packed. He locked the car up and we both headed up to the front door together.

As soon as the click of the lock un-locking was heard we both went in, dropped everything on the kitchen island and collapsed onto the sofa.

That was some day.

Tommy looks at me like I was going to kill him. I mean I would but just a bit. It wasn't his fault all this ensued.

"It's ok, Tom. What happened, happened." I say to relieve him of his stress.

"Are you sure ?"

"Yup. Relax."

I get up and head to my room to change. I thought of all the previous events as a sign.

A sign to buck up and fix my life up.

To get my life together again.

I had to try at least.

I clear up every piece of clothing on the floor and deposit it into the previously non-existent hamper at the corner of my room. I cleared up my table as well. I threw the noodle cups in to the trash can near my desk. I had just cleaned up only a miniscule portion of my room and my room already looked 10 times better.

I exhale a big breath. I wanted my highpoint. My moment.

And I would work for it.

I think all this was planned by fate.

Fate needed me to work hard to reach the tip.

Fate needed me to work with what I had.

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+*+* A/n - Hi guys the word count for this one was a whopping 4290 words and 9 pages long on word. I really want you guys to have lengthy chapters to ready but if any of you dislike this idea I can make the chapters up to a max of 2500 words. 

I feel proud that I got you some content today and I will make sure to post by next week. I have my mid-terms rn to it's a tight schedule.

Have a great day/evening/night and remember I love you all <3

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