+*+* Chaos Is Beautiful +*+*

Is It Bad That I Want To Be Wanted?

 A/N Ok wth 36 reads. How did that even happen. SO far this story seems bad to me and I don't know why people read it.

But anyways let's continue 

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I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. I looked at the familiar surroundings. Our house had 3 bathrooms. 2 for Tommy and me and 1 for the hall. 

That was Tommy's idea. His exact words were " What if I need to go piss really bad and my bathroom is farther away. Then I would have to piss in my pants."

He was being a bit naive but aren't we all ?

I switched the shower on and put it on the coldest temperature. Cold showers just hit different you know?

I need to quit asking rhetorical questions to myself. (Rhetorical question is a question that your not supposed to get an answer to.)

I started stripping my clothes of. I made sure to keep my phone safe so I could play something while I shower.

I put on my favourite song . It's been my favourite for the past 3 years. It was really . . something.

(Play Wanted by OneRepublic. Check the comments I posted the link there)

https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/6hLkeOMrhZ2CMLBp2of576?utm_source=generator

The song starts and I start singing along. Even though my throat is probably broken my voice is still able to pour out the words effortlessly.

I could overflow an ocean
With the cavalcade of all my tears 
And I know I sound dramatic
But that's just how it feels 

The lyrics were the most important. There's a reason I love this song. 

And then my favourite part of the song starts.

Yeah, I just wanna be wanted
I could use a little love sometimes.

 I really could. When he left me this was the only thing he left. 

This song. And as much as I hate to admit it I love it.

I just wanna be someone that somebody needs
I just want to be more than a drop in the sea
I just want to be-

The cold water burnt my skin when I stepped in. I felt like these lyrics were made specifically for me. I was humming to the song even though I wanted to sing.

I also wanted to shiver but I couldn't. Because I'm cold.

I'm always cold.

And I know I sound dramatic but that's just how it feels
I've been looking for somebody to tell me that I'm real 

Again the words go into my heart and straight into my blood. 

Music will always make me feel like this. It's like my own world. Where everything is in rhythm. No beats, no notes go astray. No disorder.

 I just wanna be someone that somebody needs

 I want to be what I need.

I couldn't help myself. I sang my heart out. The memories threatening to replay in my head. 

I just want to be wanted
We just want to be wanted 

But I fought I didn't allow it to take over me.

I slowly mumbled to last lyrics along with the song.

I just need to be needed
Like to know I'm crossin' someone's mind

And just like that the song was over. It's crazy how some notes and lyrics can make you feel.

Sometimes it's all about perspective.

I heard a knock on the door.

A muffled voice came through "Hurry up with your concert in there. The pancakes are going to get cold."

"Okay" I called out knowing what Tommy would say next.

Tommy called out through the door again " And why can't yo-"

" -I sing like that in front of you? Tommy it's never gonna happen. Forget it." I replied

Every time.

Every damn time.

Did I ever mention Tommy is in a band ?