+*+* Chaos Is Beautiful +*+*

I Need To Work With What I have

I guess Tommy was explaining what was going on between me and Ranboo.

I stuff my things in the back when I see Ranboo exiting the studio as well. He said bye to all of us and headed over to a bike. Not a motorcycle. I knew he hated those. Those mom bikes. He always wanted one of those. I was happy he got one. I realize Tommy was already inside and I snap out of my trance and get in the car and shut the door. I wave farewell to Wilbur and Alex.

Alex lived just a bit away so he would occasionally stay with Wilbur. They were practically roommates. Alex was from a Mexican family as Tommy had told me long ago, so it was cramped in his house with all his cousins and siblings and relatives. Wilbur lived in a flat that was just above the studio. It had 3 bedrooms, a kitchen and 2 3 bathrooms. The whole house was really expensive but Tommy's band was well known. Not THAT well known but good enough so that they had a good pay. So, all of them pitched in and bought the whole building. The ground floor for the studio and the second for Wilbur to stay in. And since the building was so large, Alex and Tommy would occasionally stay over but now Alex had practically moved in.

The car remained quiet except for the radio's soft music.

I focus on the road and streets. It was night time. Not too late though.

It was dark, and the street lights couldn't properly light every part of it. There was little traffic, and most of the cars sped away a bit over the limits. Only a few people were outside. The silence wasn't awkward for once.

It was sweet.

Pleasant in a way.

"Hey, Tom can I open the windows?"

"Sure"

I press the button which opens the window and wait for the cold breeze to hit my face. I folded my hands and rested them on the edge while keeping my chin, resting it on my folded hands. It was mid – October at the time so the breeze was freezing even only at 8 in the night.

I heard a familiar song on the radio.

(Play To Be So Lonely By Harry Styles : ) 

I could recognize that ukulele anywhere. It 'To be so lonely' – Harry Styles. He's a great singer. Tommy and I had always like him even before he was a solo artist but I think after all the depression and Ranboo stuff his music started meaning more to me and it was an intimate moment to me.

So, I was overjoyed when Tommy turned up the music and the music flooded our ears, the car and the atmosphere. It felt like comfort. Like a blanket of serenity covering, protecting me from the cold. From the sadness.

Don't blame me for falling
I was just a little boy
Don't blame the drunk calling
Wasn't ready for it all

Music was my escape. I had a few favourites; I can't argue with that.

This was just one of thousands.

I was away
And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch
Who can't admit when he's sorry

And here's my 3rd favourite part

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons
I know that you're tryna be friends
I know you mean it
Don't call me baby again
It's hard for me to go home
Be so lonely

It was relatable at least. I used to feel like this. Not exactly of course but similar.

2nd favourite part.

'Cause I miss the shape of your lips
You'll win, it's just a trick
And this is it, so I'm sorry

Ok is it just me or is this song just too relatable to me now? I guess it is. I remember the state I was in. Every day I . . . I can't even think about it right now. I wanted to enjoy the moment.