Nothing in this world | Rafe Cameron

29 | MORE AND MORE TEARS |

I didn't want him to be sad, to cry, and it wounded me deeply inside to hear his desperate sobs. It maybe lasted a few minutes, but those instants felt like whole years and even though I made it not to cry, the sight of who I loved being devastated that way was difficult to handle. When two policemen came closer from us to tell us they'd bring us home, he begged them to let him see his father, but of course they declined and it destroyed him even more. I held him against me the whole time, trying to reassure him but he was so broken that none of my kisses or words helped him. That's when I realised no matter how much of an abusive and shitty father Ward was, Rafe would always love him, because it was his father and no one would replace him.

(...)

Outer Banks, Thornton's house
July 16th, 2020
8:55pm

"So we have.. chocolate chip cookies, brownies or my personal favorites: strawberry cupcakes," I offered him as I stepped in my bedroom with all those things in my hands.

Rafe sighed and I got on the bed, laying all the things on the nightstand next to him. I sat down and looked down at him, before kissing his cheek. It had been rough hours for him, and nothing made it to draw a smile on his lips. I had offered him a hundred things already, but all he had in mind was his father, and how he didn't make it to save him. He couldn't believe he forgot to put bullets in the cylinder and I didn't find the strength to tell him I had been the one emptying it a few days earlier, when I was scared he'd loose his shit. Which he did.

He opened his arms and I understood he wanted me to lay against his naked chest so I did. "You're all I need," he voiced, as my nostrils filled up with his amazing scent.

His skin smelled so good it reminded me all of all those times we had spent together. All those nights we had shared together, when our sweat mixed and when he ended up holding me tightly in his arms, whispering me sweet things as I fell asleep. All those days we spent, arguing or loving each other, it depended on our mood. I smiled and drew circles on his chest as he slid his hand under my nightgown and began to draw forms on my back as well.

"It'll get better," I reassured him. "I'm sure Ward is very proud of you"

"You think so?" he demanded.

"Mhm," I nodded confidently, as he kissed the top of my head and squeezed me in his arms, as if feeling me against him made him feel better, so I smiled.

Ward had been an awful father to him, according to me, and he was the reason why Rafe was doing drugs and had bad anger issues. Rafe would have needed a loving parent figure, but one who set boundaries and actually cared about his education and future. So of course, it wasn't the right timing to just tell him what I thought about his dad and how abusive he was because right now he needed me to reassure him and be there for him, even if my comforting words were lies.

"I just wanted him to watch me become a better man. I wanted him to be there at important events of my life. Of our lives," he said, his voice breaking.

"Like what?" I asked him.

He laid kisses on my head and I was sure it was just to give himself some time before speaking, because it was too much for him. I couldn't imagine if my father was taken away from me, how hard it would be. He was my whole life, had always loved me and protected me, he was my hero, my role model. More than just being his daughter I was his number one supporter, and so he was, for me. He spent countless nights watching me sleep in my hospital bed, holding my hand when I was scared I wouldn't make it. Without him, I was nothing.

"Like our wedding," Rafe spoke, his voice trembling.

I couldn't believe he meant those words, and had actually thought of it before. We had been dating for a few days only, and even though this summer had been crazy and our bond was only growing everyday, it was soon for wedding promises. I loved him like I had never loved a man before, but it was all going too fast, and once more, we weren't in a movie. It was real life, and hearing him speaking of our relationship that way made me tear up for several reasons.