They Don't Believe In Us

chapter xxii

“I’m sorry I really should be, uh, off, bye. Stay strong, Gerard.” She was gone before any of us could react, so I just trod up the stairs, following Gerard’s shaky movements.

He collapsed onto his comic filled bed, breathing heavily.

“She hates me now. I’m a disappointment of a son, who cuts himself and gets wasted.” He sighed, “I never meant for her to find out this way.”

“She’ll understand Gerard, she’s your mother!” I knew Donna well enough to understand she wouldn’t abandon him now, especially not in his state, she wasn’t a monster.

“I could have been a better son.” He stated, “I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m a disappointment. I ain’t no son of hers, not anymore.”

“Oh Gerard, I’m sure she loves you just the way you are, like all of us do. You need to believe in yourself, and believe in the love that others have for you. It’s not the easiest thing, to process that someone you love wants to cause themselves pain, you’re her son, how do you think she’s going to feel that you are hurting and she didn’t do anything to help it? She wasn’t there to help her baby boy. She’s going to regret that, although she couldn’t help it, not one bit. But she’s here to help you now; she just needs to think about everything, and how to help you. It’s not an easy thing to process.”

“I don’t want her treating me as a monster, even if I am one.”

“She won’t, and you’re not one, you’re an angel.” I smiled at him, just wanting to see his beautiful smile light up his face.

“And how do you know that she’ll need to process the fact I was hurting and she couldn’t help it, maybe she doesn’t care? Maybe she doesn’t even want to process it?”

“Trust me, she does. I know how it feels, remember my little brother.” Great Hope, bringing up the past again. He nodded. “Well, my mother, and me, we didn’t know how much he was hurting but, he was hurting, a lot. And we couldn’t help it, because we never realised until it was too late. I know my mother will never forgive herself for that, although she couldn’t help it, nobody knew. Yet she blames herself. I blame myself. At least your parents know now, and they can help you, before you spiral down so deep that even they can’t pull you out of it. Let them help you now, before it’s too late.” I smiled sadly, as Gerard hugged me loosely.

“I know it hurts to bring up the past, about your brother, but thank you Hope, thank you so much. You don’t realise just how much you’ve helped me today.” I beamed at him, pushing thoughts of my brother to the back of my mind, and solely focusing on Gerard.

“And, I’m sorry to bring this up, but we should probably clean your, uh, cuts.” He blushed slightly at the mention of what he had done.

“It’s embarrassing, these cuts, I wish I’d never done it.” He muttered, as he gave me his wrist.

“Never be ashamed of your scars, you can regret, but don’t be ashamed, in time they will fade and be only mere memories of a time in your life, no matter how hard that time was, at least you can look back at this and think of how you conquered this time in your life, and that now you are so much stronger and better.” I glanced quickly at them, “These will probably fade in time too.” He nodded slightly as I opened his clenched palm.

More little scratches littered his palm, and I stared at them cluelessly.

“I-uh-I,” He stuttered.

“Glass?” I questioned, seeing small shards lodged into open cuts.

“It stings.” He stated, flexing his hand slightly.

Luckily for him there wasn’t many fragments of the vodka bottle still stuck in his skin, so I easily cleared it up with a little bit of tweezers work and disinfectant.

“You should be a nurse.” He laughed, although not with much emotion, as I moved on his wrist, clearing the drying blood and applying healing cream.

“Nah thanks, I actually want to be a physiatrist, but not a horrid one or one that the person hates coming to, I just want to save lives and talk to them about it.”

“So kinda like what you did to me today? Talk to them and be there saviour?” He smiled, as I blushed, “If you ever need a job, get the employer to talk to me; I’ll put a good word in for you when I’m famous.”

It felt good to talk about normal stuff, such as our future ambitions, but unfortunately I remembered the current situation we were in.

“I better go now, Gee, talk to your mom – and remember what I’ve spoken to you about.” I hugged him cautiously.

“Thank you Doctor. Hope,” He smiled, “It suits you.”

I exited the room, a slight smile on my face, and I looked back at Gerard – he had a ghost of a smile on his face, yet it still lit up the room.

I walked out the door of the Way’s house, Gerard’s fresh cuts, and bloodied palm still fresh in my mind, yet our uplifting conversation outweighed the negatives, and I left the house in a good mood,

He will be okay.

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song to the side is Saviour by Black Veil Brides, i imagine that is what Gerard is feeling about Hope, she is his saviour, although she never meant to be, she is the one who has made him realise life is worth living. That will become more clear in the next chapters:)

Also did anyone notice the multiple references i put in this chapter, there must have been like four/five from MCR songs, I kinda reworded them though, but if you know what you're looking for you will find them;)

And this may not a be a very interesting chapter, but it was necessary, i hope i didn't bore any of ya'll too much, it does get better - i just thought i needed the emotion to get across, cutting is not something that can be taken lightly at all.