Time After Time (Book 3)

Love and Longin'

He loved her.

He knew it.

With the words out of his brain Bucky finally felt free enough to acknowledge it, to himself at least. Every time he saw her face or even heard her voice he would light up inside like a beacon.

The joy of his revelation was short-lived however, when he thought about just how much she sacrificed for him, every single day. She was separated from her family, her friends, her home...she was a fugitive from the law, trapped in a foreign country, all because of him.

What did he have to offer her anyway? Absolutely nothing but a broken body and a legacy of terror and torment. Even if, by some sheer miracle, she did return his feelings, he'd only be a burden to her. From what his shattered mind could recall, she'd been a caring and driven soul, fiery and protective of those she loved, often foregoing her own happiness for theirs. If he revealed how he felt he knew she'd feel under some sort of obligation to him and the last thing he'd ever want would be for her to be burdened by him.

Perhaps if he showed her that he could be independent, as free as Shuri and Ayo assured him he was, then she might not feel so duty-bound to stay. She could go and use her abilities to help Steve save the world or visit all the countries she'd always wanted to see, or even, perhaps, go back to Brooklyn and get a little apartment, return to nursing if she wanted. A sudden image flashed through his mind, the pair of them in an apartment, busying about with their morning routine.

"It's easy to imagine, isn't it? Both of us headin' out to work, meetin' at the diner for lunch, havin' your Ma over for dinner."

He could hear her voice as clear as a bell in his head, but he knew it was just fantasy as he was wearing his old uniform and his Ma was dead now.

Bucky spent a long while brooding over what he could do to make life as easy for Betty as he could. He needed to get out of the palace, prove his independence, show her that he didn't need to rely on her so that she could leave and find her own happiness.

He went to see the only person he knew that could help...Shuri.

* * * * * *

"Hey Betty," he said, when he found her on the balcony.

She looked so enticing, curled up with her book. He could just reach out and...completely destroy the rest of her life.

"What's up Buck?" she smiled sweetly up at him.

"I've got somethin' I need to tell you," he breathed, the words almost running together as he fought to get them out of his mouth, and he sat on the chair next to her in an effort to combat the shaking in his legs.

"What is it?" she asked innocently, tucking her book underneath her knee to give him her full attention.

"I know we've been spendin' a lot of time together and I really enjoy that," he started.

"Yeah, me too," she beamed, making his heart pound.

"I've realised somethin'..." he continued, quieter than before.

"Yeah?" she queried, her voice a breathy whisper. Betty felt hope rise in her chest - was this it? She searched his face eagerly, looking for any sign that he remembered.

"I...I've..."

This is it Barnes, this is where you tell her, his heart commanded. He looked into her storm-coloured eyes, brimming with hopeful optimism. There was a life in there for him, he could see it. But not for her, his head decided. There's no proper life for her with you. He let out a shaky sigh and steeled himself for the words he was about to speak next.