I only love you

40

I looked down reading everything while sipping my drink. I was in the don't care attitude because I already had today very planned out.

I was gonna end up signing these papers at some time anyway.

I swallowed the last of the liquor in my cup while I signed my name on the divorce papers.

I wrote a note off to the side saying she can have everything, and a few more things to say goodbye.

When I was done with it all I went upstairs locking my room door. I went into the restroom picking the gun up off the counter.

I took a deep breath feeling tears. "fuck you crying for ?" I mumbled to myself wiping my eyes.

I shook my head lifting the gun up to my head. I closed my eyes getting ready to pull the trigger.

"What the fuck is you doing ?" I heard making me jump back looking over.

I seen keri looking at me with a mug and crossed arms "You're not even alive" I rolled my eyes looking away from her.

"Answer my question." she said walking closer to me.

"What does it look like i'm doing ? I'm tryna die duh" I said in a obvious tone.

"Do you really think this is the answer ?" she asked. "Uhh yea" I nodded.

"I thought it was the answer years ago, I just got saved in my attempt" I said with a shrug.

"But with this it ain't no saving. I'm gone for good and that's what I want" I said lifting the gun back up.

"And what about blue ?" she asked making me freeze.

Tears stung my eyes thinking about her but I shook them off again "She has angela and rick, they'll take good care of her"

"And what about how they're gonna feel ?" she asked. "They're grown. They'll be ok"

"Maybe, but what about xion and anastasia ?" she said "They have their mom. They'll be ok"

"Do you really think their mom is gonna be in the right head space ? Are you thinking about how this will affect her ?" she said and I groaned putting the gun down.

"What about me ?! I'm the one that's gonna have to go on everyday wishing I pulled the fucking trigger ! Why you ain't questioning how i'm gone feel if I do stay ?!" I raised my voice.

"Because I already know. And I know you're gonna be ok, right now you're feeling a lot of sadness but it goes away. You know this" she said.

"i don't know shit" I mumbled looking down at the gun.

"Bumble you're gonna be ok, don't go out like this" she said walking fully up to me.

"Go see get your kids and spend time with them. Don't allow what you're feeling to eat you up" she said.

"So instead you want me to deal with bad ass kids ?" I asked tilting my head.

"It's better than killing yo damn self so yes. Go see them" she said.

I looked at her for a little then back at the gun. I had a small debate in my head before making up my mind.

I quickly picked up the gun hearing keri sigh.

I emptied it before walking out to put it up. After I hid it I put my shoes back on then looked over at keri.

"You better be right" I said pointing at her.

"I'm always right"

I waved her off getting up going back downstairs. I grabbed my keys off the couch and texted nika i'm about to come get the kids.