Tim and Wes

Chapter 2 - If you want to finish what we began (+18)

I come in the dojo and bow before going up on the tatami.

"Timmie !"

I lift my eyes to see Eve who is making big signs at me. I smile and go towards her.

"Hi, how are you ?"

"It's been a while since you last came to training in the afternoon, she reproaches me. (We bow and she grabs the lapel of my judogi, the white clothes in which we fight. You don't stick around at our parties anymore and we don't meet you anywhere in town at night. Are you giving us the cold shoulder ?"

"No" I sigh. "I just don't feel too well."

She suddenly flips me over, I fall. Then she helps me back to my feet.

"Don't be angry with me... I'm just a bit worried about you."

"Why ?"

I turn round, blocking her feet, and throw her on the ground. She softens the blow perfectly hitting the tatami with her hand.

"Nice" she says jumping to her feet. "If I worry about you it's because a footballer came to ask questions about you a little while ago."

"What do you mean ?"

"A friend's buddy. (She knocks me down onto the tatami.) He was built like the side of a house, he asked me things about you. (I get up again.) He said he had a disagreement with you, it has been puzzling me."

"Was it Wes Doggan ?"

"Yes. (She seems disturbed.) Oh, I hope I didn't get you into trouble speaking too much ! I know these kind of guys have problems with gays. Did he approach you or hurt you ?"

"No, don't worry."

"But so, what does he want from you ?"

I shake my head.

"This... I have no idea..."

We keep fighting. After a while, I'm feeling tired. She makes me promise to go out with her and her friends to go drinking. Lately, I don't feel like cruising in the evening.. I have lost my taste for everything. To tell the truth, since this brilliant night in paradise, I've been dropped in hell. I didn't sleep with any guys, I'm depressed, I eat less... In spite of my wish to forget Wes, he lingers in my mind more than before. I think about him every time I look at my bed and my little shriveled heart tears when I see his indifferent nape in course. But what can I do ? Go towards him to strike up a conversation ? At best he would tell me to clear off...

I get in the changing room. The judo club has a room specifically for us to get changed, but only girls can use it. Guys must squat in the shared showers with the other sportsmen. And since I've finished sooner, for the moment, it's empty.

I open my locker and take the judogi jacket off, the white pants as well as my underpants. I take a towel, soap, shampoo and –not being a discreet nature– I head for the shower, completely naked.

The hot water flows on my skin, I let it run as it wants. This story saps my spirit. I may be a little cynical, but I'm not the depressive type. I must be real infatuated with this footballer to get that bad.

I open the bottle of soap and pour a few drops into the hollow of my palm to spread it on my hair. The thing that makes me most sad are his disgusted eyes when he sees me. I feel really low. You would think that he bears a grudge against me, that he hates me. (I make the shampoo foam on my head and rinse it.) Yet, he's looking for some information on me, or at least, I know he has been in search for some. Eve and the barman told me that he came to ask information three weeks ago.

I rub my skin and switch off the water after the soap has completely disappeared down the drain tap. I stand still, hand on the faucet. I think that in my whole life I've never been in such a state like this... I have to get a grip on myself, Wes is a guy like the others. I did a stupid thing, well. He hates me, okay. But life continues, I must ignore him and go on to something else.