If Only

4

Ryan Diaz

"I wouldn't say he was always angry but he looked it. He could throw a mean punch and was always on the alert."

"Why?" I hated that I was learning about my brother from Myra but this was the only way.

She shrugged. "You always have to be on alert back in these sides. Especially if you lived the way Ian and his group do. Anything can happen at anytime and you'd have to run or fight."

I didn't say anything, lost in my thoughts with a frown on my face. I didn't know how to feel about learning all these. What I knew continued getting altered every minute and it was unnerving. I knew why Ian lived like this, he had no other choice and he was backed into a corner but I still found it hard not to question why. Why on earth did it have to be this path? I couldn't even wear any of the clothes I brought with me, Myra said they were too expensive for this parts of Virginia and Ian would never wear designers. Like really? How can he not have worn an original Louis Vuitton in his whole life? Unbelievable.

"Can you run?"

I nodded. "I did track at one point back in school. Imogen wanted us to keep fit."

"Oh, Imogen," Myra wiggled her brows suggestively at me. "How is she? Did you let her in on the plan?"

My face fell and I walked forward as I answered. "I- um- we broke up."

"What?"

I exhaled deeply. "I broke up with Imogen."

"Why? From the picture you showed she's a cute ginger head, like Ed Sheeran!"

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I didn't really love her, you know. Like, we looked good, had good times together and vibe really well but something was always missing. I was going to hang in there until we graduated high school but then this whole Ian thing came up and I had to do it. There was no way I was going to break her heart into thinking I was in an accident, then keep her trapped as she waits for me and probably bothers herself with coming to check up on me in the hospital." I pulled on my hair. "I couldn't tell her about the plan either, the less people who knew, the better."

Myra sighed understandingly and patted me on the shoulder. "I guess it's for the better then. Would you miss her?"

"Of course I would," I kicked a stone on the ground. "She was my first and only relationship."

"Well, hopefully you'd be too busy here to think about her or love." Myra said, making me roll my eyes. "Your next task is your second to the hardest task. Facing your gang."

"Oh kill me."

"Oh I would if you fuck this up and get Ian exposed." Myra threatened and I turned to look at her with scared eyes and then she smiled showing me that she was joking. "Your job right now is simple. Get in there, interact or don't interact with people like Ian does. Go up to your room up the stairs, last room on the right, get your bag and get out. There's this book Ian has in his bag. It's small and wrapped with carton. He always drawls and writes in there, schedule, thoughts shit like that and he doesn't let anybody see it, including me."

I let everything she said sink in. "Wait, how do I know whether or not to interact with someone?"

Myra took a deep breathe about to launch into teacher mode. "There are five gang members, yourself including and Jon used to be the leader. Now there isn't really a leader but everybody listens to Jakob, kinda. Last I know, they haven't really settled on a leader because some people are caught up in the narrative that Jon was murdered. Some people equals you."

I winced.

Myra continued. "Yeah, so. Phil is the oldest, a tall not so tall blond guy with a wrist watch tattoo and probably lice full long hair. There's no way he scratches his hair that much if there's no lice in it." She paused as if trying to come to terms with what her brain just imagined. "Then there's Jakob and Anissa, twins who don't get along all the time. You like Anissa, you have deep talks with her from time to time but you don't like Jakob. You guys barely talk to each other and when you do, you both have a bite in your tones."