𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙝𝙞𝙘 𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩

Kissing in her car again

"This is the reason we broke up..." she said sarcastically.

"No, you were just scared they'd figure out your secret, so you let me go even though you said you'd never stop loving me. Now look at us. Back here in this beat up truck, that you never let me fix," you said in all seriousness, bitterness lacing your words.

"What do you want me to do? Truly, tell me, and I'll do it," she said and put her hand on your thigh, like she used to do when you were younger.

"You wouldn't do it, so it doesn't really matter," you said, feeling heavy-hearted.

"No, I'm serious, tell me," she pleaded as she parked the car right between the Methodist and the school that once used to be yours.

When she had stopped the engine, you stared at her for a couple of seconds before opening the door and stepping out. You heard her lock the car and the footsteps behind you became louder until she was walking beside you trying to make you slow down.

"Can you just stop for one second and communicate with me?!" she asked too loud for her own liking, looking around wondering if someone heard her.

"Fine... we can walk to the lakes, like we used to do back in august that summer before you decided to leave," you told her, while trying to calm down.

"I'm sorry... it's not like I wanted to waste your honour," she said glancing at you, looking for a reaction.

"I just don't know what to do Taylor... because I don't want no other shade of blue but you, but I'm aware I could never give you peace when you're scared to death of people pulling you apart. You'll always get scars from living the life you do, but I want to draw stars around every single one of them, but you never give me the chance to," you said before sitting down on the grass, looking out at how the stars lit up the midnight sea.

"I want to... just escape... because I don't belong, and neither do you..." she muttered out, sitting down beside you.

"The only time I've felt like I belonged was when you held me in your arms," you replied with sadness in your tone.

"Are we really going to dwell on the past every Christmas?" she asked chuckling.

"Well... 'tis the damn season, and the past is all we have..." you answered back as you were replaying your happiest memories in your head like a film reel.

"If I could change it, I would," she said as she softly took a hold of your hand.

"Just stop... I can't deal with this again. You want me and then you leave me, we do this almost every year Taylor, and it's getting harder every year when I try to erase all my memories of you. It's impossible to escape you. You're not in my life, but still in some magical way, you end up being my life," you told her with tears brimming in your eyes, threatening to escape.

She didn't answer.

"I'm tired of fantasizing of you sneaking in, resting your head on the pillow, like you used to. Or how we'd kiss in your car behind the downtown bar. I don't understand how you take up so much space in my mind when I try so hard to lock you out," you went on, not daring to meet her gaze.

"Why don't you look at me?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Because I'm haunted by the look in your eyes..." you said looking out at the lake again.

"I know that you would love me for a lifetime, but still, you repeatedly choose to leave it all behind. To leave us behind... and no matter what I do, I can't make it go away by making you the villain," you followed up, your words stinging like a scorpion who fights back, deciding you've had enough of her never committing, then stood up and started to walk away not even saying goodbye.