Famous Last Words! (Frerard fic, also a bit of Mikey/Ray)

Regret

Gerard's POV

I'm awake. I'm breathing. I'm smiling. I'm talking.

"Is Mr Way fit for visitors?" a mystery voice inquired on the other side of the door.

"How long are they staying?" another weird sounding voice asked.

"His mother wants to see him urgently, I don't know how long they intend to stay."

I freeze. My mother. She wants to see me! She wants to see me! I ball my hands into fists, I don't believe it. My breathing quickens and I try to keep my heart beat under control. My head is hurting like fuck. I could've sworn I was destined for death. It hurt so much, the blood loss was far greater than the amount that's left in my body. The gun. The bullet. My head. My skull. Cracked, bruised, broken, empty. Why had I done that? I can't even remember.

And then it all goes fuzzy.

"Hey sweetie," this woman cooed, and I shook my head as my eyes grazed over her. She closed the door behind her and came pelting towards me, tears in her eyes and her tear stained cheeks were visible.

"Who are you?" I gulp. I've never seen this woman in all my life. Well, I don't think I have.

"What?" she gasped, her eyes widen and more tears started to fall.

"I don't think I know you," I turn my head to the side, trying to soak in her image, but nothing comes to mind.

"I'm your mother Gerard!" she cried. My mum? How can I not remember my mum?

"Are you sure?" I choke, I'm pretty sure I'd remember my own mother.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, and she ran out of the room, only to return with a doctor with her.

The doctor looked me up and down. Where was I? WHy was the walls white? What happened to me? Who is me? Who am I?

I start to panic. WHy is my body hurting like fuck, why can't I just move and get up, why is there a group of women dressed in green with white masks walking all over my room, why is this random woman claiming to be my mum, why am I not remembering? What happened?

Oh, and who the fuck is Gerard?

"He doesn't remember me, he doesn't remember anything," the woman sighed, whispering details into a doctors ear.

"Gerard?" he asked, stepping closer to me. I lifted my knees and hung my arms aorund them.

"Who's that?" I start to panic now, everyones giving me crazy stares and disbelief gasps.

"That's you, darling," the woman, oh sorry, my mum cried.

"Is it?" Okay, I'm scared.

Why am I not remembering? I should know my name and family yes?

"Yes! I named you Gerard, honey. Your name is Gerard Arthur Way," mum sniffed.

"Then why can't I remember?" I cry, tears finally spilling down my own eyes.

"Why can't he?" mum choked, turning to the doctor.

"He's got amnesia, it probably took place early this morning with the rememberiong of the blow of the bullet, wiping out his memory," he explained, sighing deeply.

"Oh, God! What does he remember?" mum asked desperately. And one name came to mind as soon as she said it.

"Frank."

Everyone turned to me, my mum giving the wide eyes scoffing expression.

"You remember Frank?" she asks, clearly not registering everything that's just happened.

"I-I think so," I stutter, not really sure.

I know Frank is my friend. He is, isn't he? What's his last name? It begins with an I, I think. Who is he though? Is he my age? No, he's younger isn't he? I have no idea! I don't remember him that much. I can picture his blurred face, his black hair shaved at one side, that's him isn't it? Does he have red roots? Or red tips? I can't picture it yet, he's my friend, I believe. Or maybe I've just made him up. I have no fucking idea and it's scaring me!

"How?" she gasped, very hurt.

"How what? Isn't remembering stuff a good thing?" the doctor asked, tilting his head.

"Yes! But I would've thought he'd remember his mother and not his best friend!" she cried out harshly.

"Frank's my best friend?" I register, and I think I remember him properly now.

Whoa, he wasn't a friend was he. I remember kissing, did we kiss? Do friends kiss each other? Is that normal? Or were we more than friends? I'm not quite sure, I don't understand, I don't remember.

"Do friends kiss?" I suddenly ask.

"What?" mum snapped her head in my direction, and everyone just stopped what they were doing and looked at me.

"Do friends kiss? You said this Frank is my friend, the guy I remember, but I remember kissing, I'm pretty sure we kissed, is that a good thing? Or a bad thing? Or what? What are people if they kiss?" I ponder, speaking my thoughts.

"YOU KISSED FRANK?!" mum boomed, making everyone jump.

"I-I think so, we held hands too, dated is the word right?" I turn my head to a random nurse, needing comfirmation.

She didn't answer me, just glanced at my mother.

"You're gay?" she exploded.

"What's gay?" I ask, turning my head in my mums direction.

"I don't believe this!" mum screamed, tears leaving her eyes.

"Neither can I," I mutter.

I don't remember anything. I am definately a lost cause, or maybe a found one, blowing in the afternoon breeze. My mum seems to hate me now, even though I can't remember her. Is that bad? I think it might be. Why am I even in hospital? And was I in love with Frank? Did we date? I'm pretty sure we did.

But am I hurt? Did I hurt myself? Like, intentionally? Or did someone else hurt me? I feel lost, so lost that I'm not me anymore. I'm not human. I don't think I'll ever be the same again, or maybe I will be. They might patch me up.

They all leave, leaving me on my own, with my thoughts. I turn my head, the pain making me scream. Am I just a monster? Or is it someone else that causes pain so far greater than my own? Feeling swarm around me like an army of flies.

Guilt. Hurt. Hope. Cold. Sadness. Regret. A lot of regret. What's the meaning of the word when it's the emotion underneath it?