Back From The Moon. (Maddie.)

11- To The Moon.

"I had a feeling I'd find you here." She heard, from behind her. She whipped over her shoulder to the unknown voice. A sigh of relief, it was only Cole.

"I've been sightseeing." She commented, sipping her previously untouched coffee.

"You don't plan on coming back here." He commented back, sitting in the other chair at the table.

"I haven't decided yet," She looked at him, spinning the ring around her finger. "I really don't know what I plan to do after this."

"You don't plan on coming back, not if you are sightseeing the places you've been with him. This is where you had your first date, I know because this is the place he said he took you."

"So what if I don't? I don't even know if I'm going back home. I don't want to live in that apartment anymore, not after.." She trailed off, looking away in disgust at the image of the concrete gracing her mind.

"I wouldn't blame you for that." She winced at his tone. She had a habit now of accidentally influencing the moods of those around her. Whoops.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I know I'm coming off harshly. I just... I feel lost. And alone. And afraid. And just absolutely broken inside. I don't know how to fix it." She sighed, staring at the untouched pastry in front of her.

"You don't have to apologize. I know this is terrible, horrible for you. I was there with you in the beginning. I just can't feel like you do, I wasn't as close at the end." He mentioned, leaning forward. "It's just so hard to see you like this. I have never seen you without any light, the darkness is scaring me. You just seem gone. Like you're here, but you aren't."

"Half of me left when he did, Cole. There is this giant hole in my chest, it's cold and it's empty and I don't know how to fix it. How to fill it. I'm as scared as you are."

"Maybe you can come with me today. I don't want you to be alone." Cole reached for her, to get her to look up at him. As soon as his hand brushed her arm, she did.

"Yeah, I think I'd prefer to not be alone right now." She answered, humming to the music still playing softly in her ear.

"Alright, let's go then. There's no use sitting here when I know you aren't going to eat that. You hated those." He held his hand out for her to take, to pull her up. She took it and stood, glancing at the pastry.

"He didn't." She smiled sadly. The two of them walked through noisy L.A. streets, to Cole's tiny apartment.

"It's not much, but it's a place to be," Cole commented as he pulled the door open and let her in. She thanked him and went to sit in his living room. If two beanbags and a television on a stand could be considered a living room. Night fell quickly, and she smiled. Picnics in the dark, the one thing she had loved that they did.

"Cole, will you go with me to the park?" She asked, directing his attention from his computer to her, "There's one thing I'd like to do, I don't have the strength to be there on my own."

"Yeah, of course."

"We're going to need a blanket."

Soon they found themselves laying on the blanket, looking up at the stars. Cole stayed a silent supporter, waiting for her to lead. This is her time, and he was there for her. She pointed out the constellations that Dalton had taught her, some she already knew, some he surprised her with.

"I wonder where he is up there." She whispered into the dark. Cole did not look at her but knew she was speaking to herself. "I hope you found your place in the stars up there. I hope you found everything you lost in those galaxies."

She paused, taking a deep breath to fight off some unshed tears beginning to brim in her eyes. Her heart hurt knowing he was there somewhere, but not physically with her. The distance was killing her. She found she didn't want to live in a world without him in it. Maybe he was there, just waiting for her. In her mind, she imagined him waiting. If heaven was real. If God wasn't just a cruel joke to ease the pain of loss. She didn't know if she believed in a God that would allow her everything to be taken from her in a split second.

"I'll wait for you, you know. Until you're back from the moon." She whispered, the tears falling despite her best efforts. Cole reached for her hand, comforting her as she fell apart. Maddie allowed herself to be vulnerable in the dark of the night. She kept her sights on the sky. A shooting star crossed the sky. She smiled. "There you are."

Cole grinned, eyes watering, as the star faded. Neither of them looked at the other. He knew Maddie would clam up if he spoke, so he kept silent. This is the most open he had seen her since March. Since sitting in her living room and reading those stupid letters. He missed the people they were before this at this moment. The person he knew her to be. Hell, he even missed his friend. The friend he had before everything fell apart.

He couldn't believe how deeply this affected all of them, how interworked and vining loss could be. When he first heard the news, he did not realize something of this effect could devastate his very being. And now, here he lies next to the person who pretended to be fine, the person who should have been devastated. How could this be the present for them? How do any of them move past this?

Cole couldn't even begin to express to Maddie how this felt. Sitting here in his friend's place. While she grieved the loss of this, the loss of him. He remained quiet, trying to comfort her as she did him so long ago. He had no idea how she carries on so stoically during the day. He was glad to be here for her. But this sadness, this darkness, he just wished for a rewind. If only there was a way to rewind time.

"Tha-Thank you, for being here. I should ha-ave asked you to come with m-me earlier," She hiccuped out after what felt like forever to Cole.

"You know I'm here for you. You always were for me, even when I wasn't the best person I could have been" He closed his eyes as she released his hand to wipe at her eyes.

"Still, tha-ank you." Maddie sat up, still looking to the sky. She whispered again, "I love you to the moon and back, Dal. Always."

No answer met her, even her imagination wouldn't conjure a Dalton to answer her. She and Cole soon left the park. He walked her to her hotel, and then returned home. Damn, was this harder than he thought it was.