my mind keeps running off to dark corners
and coming back with reasons for
why i am not enough
Three days later, Newt felt unusually energized. When he got up, he did his usual morning routine. Feed Voldy, drink a cup of coffee and got dressed after a shower. His swung his keys around his finger and walked out of the door. He was surprisingly in a good mood despite what had happened the night before. Despite what Thomas had done to him.
He started his car. It was an old thing really, and it took a couple tries with the ignition before it turned over. Newt ran his hands around the warm leather steering wheel and let loose a long breath. He hadn't been bothered to drive for a while either, this was his first time behind the steering wheel in probably months. He didn't realize how much he missed it.
He rolled the window down and let the warm autumn breeze toss his hair around his head in a windstorm. The city was awake, and as he drove through he watched young couples eat at small diners and bakeries, and saw children playing in the streets and asking their mothers for sweets. Newt smiled to himself, the sun warming his pale skin.
It was easier now, coming to terms with what he had done to Thomas. Or, what Thomas had done to him. He tried not to blame himself, though that's what he found himself doing more often than not. Because he blamed himself for allowing it to happen. His feelings were too hard to get over, and even though he thought he could make it through, he thought he could push through that emptiness in his gut that he felt every time Thomas left him. But he couldn't. He was weak.
He parked his car in front of a flower shop. One he hadn't been to in a long time, and pushed his way inside with a soft jingle of the bell on top of the door.
"Welcome in!" A woman said from behind the counter. Newt nodded in response and offered her a smile. "Is there anything I can help you with?" She asked, leaving from behind the counter to greet him in person.
"I'm just kind of looking right now, but I'll let you know." Newt replied, his eyes darting from side to side as he tried to find a good place to start. He was fingering the soft green leaf of a forget-me-not when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. After realizing it was Sonya, he propped the phone between his shoulder and his ear.
"Hey, Sonny." He said. He realized then how hoarse his voice sounded, and attempted to clear his throat.
"Where are you?" Sonya asked. Newt sighed and moved to another part of the shop. He was particularly drawn to a bunch of lilies and stopped to admire them.
"I'm at the flower shop down the road." Newt replied. "Why?"
"Oh, well I stopped by your apartment and you weren't there." Sonya said. As he had expected, Sonya had become overly worried about him yet again.
"I haven't had flowers in my home for a long time. I wanted to see if I fancied any of them here." Newt replied simply.
"Well, do you want to get some lunch then? Afterwards?" She asked.
"Of course." Newt said. "Text me where you want to meet." Newt hung up after that and stuffed his phone in his pocket. He picked up a particular bouquet of baby's breath, lavender and eucalyptus and handed them to the store clerk.
"This all for you then?" She asked, typing on her register.
"Yeah, that'll be all for me today." Newt said. He stared at his wallet, the money in his hands as she told him the total. He stared at it, and he couldn't tear his eyes away. He heard her voice again, somewhere far away as a pain started in the back of his head and overtook him like a wave. He didn't remember much else after that, the stab of pain in his knees as he fell to the ground, and the sound of his skull cracking as it hit the floor.
