devil at my door - lrh

1 - a fucking frat

elle

i'm stuck.

i've been stuck in this cycle for too long; wake up, go to practice, teach, eat dinner, go to bed, then repeat.

i love my job, i love doing what i do more than i love breathing oxygen.

i just need something to happen, something big, something that will give me a rush of adrenaline, or give me a feeling other than boredom.

whether it be an event that only lasts a few minutes,

or a person who completely alters the way i carry out my usual schedule in a day.

my phone connects to the bluetooth of my car, the last song i'd played this morning continuing automatically.

the drive home from practice is the same as it always is. 20 minutes, light traffic here and there, and nothing but the buzz of the ac, the low volume music, and my thoughts - or more like pleads, for change.

these thoughts never seem to leave my head. i'm always only thinking them, keeping them to myself. i don't want to disrupt anybody around me, make them feel like they need to do anything different or like they're the reason i'm so... stuck.
it's not ruthie, or myla. it's just, me.

and i don't know where to go from here.

-

"what the fuck, ruthie!"

the yelling from down the hall urges me to peel my eyes open, and i hadn't even realized id fallen asleep.

"what! what happened?" i hear ruthie yell back, and i roll onto my back, pressing my palms into my eyes.

"how the hell do you burn pizza rolls? they go in the microwave for 2 fucking minutes!" myla shouts, and i hear the beeping of the fire alarm, deciding this is probably a good time to get up, assuming my unintentional nap is over.

i crawl out of bed and shuffle toward the door, too tired to fully lift my feet off of the floor.

upon the door being tugged open, i smell the burning food and physically see the smoking floating down the hallways.

"oh my god," i mumble, rolling my eyes as i make my way down the hall and into the kitchen, finding ruthie swinging a towel around the room to fight off the smoke, and myla opening the windows. "again, ruthie?"

both sets of heads shoot in my direction, and myla starts laughing, belly clutching cackles at ruthie's out of breath, frantic running around. "oh! mornin elle-bell!" ruthie says, refocusing on the towel swinging through the air, and myla straightens back up while wiping tears from her eyes.

"morning" i laugh a bit back, "how did you burn more pizza rolls?" i walk further into the kitchen, picking up the package and folding it to place it back in the freezer.

at this point, ruthie has made her way on top of the counter to reach the smoke circling the ceiling, "oh you know," she shrugs, keeping her eyes on the roof above her as she crouches yet swings the towel around.

"no, i uh... i don't know," i reply laughing again, moving to sit in one of the barstools tucked under the edge of the counter. "how do you keep burning food? it literally has instructions on the box."

ruthie looks at me for a split second, a bit of embarrassment in her eyes, but a small smile indicating that she, too, found it pretty funny. "she got distracted... again." myla replies for her. ruthies completely forgets the smoke and turns toward myla, chucking the towel at her and shouting, "don't call me out, bitch! you were looking too!"