Ace of Spades

Begin and Break

Routines were so easy to begin and to fall into.

It started during that Covenant Signing for the LGBTQIA+ for Leni during Valentine's Day.

Risa wasn't supposed to sit beside Leni since Atty. Matula was already standing on the spot beside the vice president. But being the kind person that he was, he offered his seat to Risa, which she graciously accepted. As soon as she sat down, Leni tilted her head closer to Risa, whispering something to her.

"Kailangan ko umalis after ng speech ko, ang daming ganap ngayong araw."

"Ay oo, you have than event diba? Buti nga, you made time for this pa."

Every now and then, Leni would lean closer to talk to her about the campaign or anything relating to that. It was funny because since that day, whenever they would sit next to each other, they would immediately start talking. Whether it was about the event, or just about the campaign, they would whisper and chat. It became quite a simple routine.

And then there was another. It started during that day too.

Leni had to leave early because she had a lot more engagements to attend to. Risa, being the caring woman that she had always been, took her phone out as soon as Leni stepped down the stage and texted her: "Happy Valentine's Day, VP! See you later, ingat ka :)".

Not too long later, Leni replied: "Happy Valentine's Day din, Sen! Ingat din kayo dyan, see you."

Since then, the two women have fallen into this routine of texting each other "ingat" and "take care" after rallies and engagements. Often, Risa would start it but there were times when Leni had to leave earlier than others so she would text Risa first instead.

However easy routines were to start, they could also be so easy to break. Breaking them would catch you off guard, not knowing if you want to welcome and embrace the change or go back to your own routine.

When Leni started exchanging fist bumps with the team as a way to greet them during rallies, Risa had gotten used to it. Whenever Leni would arrive onstage, Risa would offer a fist bump, say "Hi, VP!" and Leni would bump her fists with hers. It was an easy routine; one not needing to be given a second thought. After three or four rallies, it became reflex. So for the next rallies that came, fist bumps were their way of greeting each other. It became quite a silly routine.

And then the routine broke.

True to her word, Leni insisted that her senatorial slate have dinner with them every after a grand rally. It was when it happened. Risa arrived at the dining hall with her staff, made her way to greet Leni who was already there. The older woman stood up as she saw Risa and greeted her.

"Hi, Sen. Glad you can make it."

"Hi, VP. Ganda ng rally kanina."

Instead of offering her hands for a fist bump, Risa held Leni's shoulder and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Leni, on the other hand, did the very same. They were wearing masks, of course, but that didn't change the gesture at all. Before Risa knew it, Leni's scent filled her nostrils and she felt the side of their faces collide.

Leni pulled away faster than she could blink. Her heart stopped in her chest and her eyes widened. Shit, she thought. Ano'ng ginagawa ko?

"Sen—"

"VP—"

They laughed awkwardly, having spoken at the same time. Leni scratched the back of her neck, avoiding Risa's gaze, while the younger woman shifted on her foot and looked around the room to see if anyone was looking at them.

"Sorry, hindi sadya," Leni apologized, voice soft and sincere.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," Risa assured.

"Baka hindi ka komportable, pasensya na talaga hindi ko iniisip 'yung ginagawa ko."

"VP, okay lang talaga. I promise. 'Wag ka na mag-alala dyan."

Leni nodded, chuckling awkwardly still. When was the last time they did that? When was the last time she got close to her like that? She couldn't even remember. That was already a blur to her with everything that happened and has been happening.

Now that their routine of bumping fists was broken, the choice to either go back to that or accept the change.

They both chose to accept the change.

They didn't talk about it, of course. Talking about it would make things a lot more awkward than they already were. But it was so easy to go back to that habit they've been doing since they met — seeing each other and leaning in for a quick beso with one hand on the other person's shoulder. Before leaving the hall to retire for the night, Risa approached Leni and bid good night, leaning for a beso once again. To which, Leni returned albeit hesitantly.

I've greeted her like that a thousand times before, Risa thought that night as she laid in her bed, reliving the events that occurred. What makes tonight different?

The voice in her head answered her question easily. She's your ex-wife and you haven't seen each other that often since the day you walked out of her office. She let you go and be happy, and your relationship has never been the same since. That's what makes it different.

Risa's hope to rekindle the friendship they once had ignited. There was a chance for them to maybe make things better and less tricky. One way or another, they had to be comfortable with each other again. Not too comfortable though, her brain reminded her. Not too comfortable or you'll go back to that mess you were in years ago.

From that night on, every rally where the both of them present, Leni would greet everybody else with fist bumps but not Risa. She would place her hand on the other woman's shoulder and press her cheek against hers, exchanging a quick hello before she would part from her and go to her seat. At first, it was tense. But like any other routine, it became like reflex. Sure, both women spent the first few nights overthinking this change, but then again, they've done this before.

What would be wrong with doing it again?

It became a gesture that needed not to be given a second thought.

And so, once again, for the first time in a long time, Leni and Risa found themselves falling into new routines. Those which would never go away, no matter how hard they both try.