MATEO || bxb

- 29 -

He shrugged. "Well, you were happy I guess, and I didn't want you to be annoyed with me. Maybe I should have said something though. I always thought he just used you: you did way too much for him and he never did enough for you."

"You think?" I definitely would have preferred to hear this from a lot sooner. I could have saved a lot of time by ending the relationship early if Ade had come to me with this and made me think about it back then.

"Mate, you always bought him stuff and drove him around everywhere as soon as you got your license, even when it was inconvenient to you, and he never really did much back than what? Give you sex? Not saying that it's bad thing to do things for your partner, but don't let yourself get walked over. Sex is obviously great 'n all, but that can't be the only thing your partner gives you."

"Wow, jeez. Okay. Was I like that with everyone?" I said my head hurting from all the drama tonight.

"Your last ex was better. And Cam likes you so much I'm sure he'll treat you right as well. When you're not being an idiot like you were tonight."

I sighed. I had a lot to think about. Adrian was kind of right about what he said. I gave way too much of myself in relationships that weren't worth it. After feeling abandoned by both my parents, I was always scared that other people would leave me too, so I always tried a little too hard. Apparently, even when I had abandonment issues, I could do stupid shit like tonight to drive people away. What if Cam never forgave me? Even if Ade thinks it will be okay, he doesn't know what happened right before I left. I can't believe I left him after he was finally comfortable being more intimate with me.

"Mateo? Adrian?" said a sweet little voice from behind us. "For fucks sake, are you two high?" His voice didn't sound so sweet anymore...

"Maybe..." Ade replied.

Cam sighed and came down to sit on the garden chair to my other side. "Why did you get him high? I needed to talk to him," he said still talking to Ade.

"Sorry?"

"Cam?" I called.

"We're okay. I'll talk to you properly about it tomorrow, okay?"

"Oh okay. I'm sorry..."

"Just gimme that," he said taking the joint from my hands and smoking it himself.

"You still smoke?" I asked. I thought because he didn't drink anymore, he'd probably quite drugs as well.

"Not the same as getting drunk," he said shrugging. "Speaking of drinking though, not that I'm gonna drink, but umm I was thinking I could come with you guys to a party again some time. If like there's any going on."

"You wanna come to a party?" Ade asked as shocked I think as I felt right now.

"Yeah? Why not?"

"You haven't come to a party in ages," Ade continued.

"Well, I wanna go now. So... is there any on?" Cam asked. I think the weed was finally getting to him because he stole the bag of crisps I'd been snacking on and stuffed some in his mouth.

"Well, I mean actually that guy we met on holiday, Sam, he actually lives pretty close I don't know if you knew that. But he's throwing something at his place, if you both wanna come?" Adrian said.

"Wait, Sam, the guy who asked Cam out?" I asked. Just what I needed.

"Wait he asked you out?" Adrian asked incredulously. Can hadn't told him? Although, that would be a bit of an awkward situation to talk about with your brother. I don't know how Ade would have felt about another one of his friends being interested in his brother.

"Umm... yeah," Cam replied awkwardly.

"What the fuck. Why do all my friends want you so bad?" Ade replied. "Well, I guess we can go to something else."

"I mean. I don't mind," I said even though I did mind a little bit. I've at least got to see what the competition is though, right?

"You don't?" Cam asked.

I shrugged.

"Alright. Then I'll let him know. It's this Friday night. And Cam... it's okay if you change your mind yeah?"

"I know," Cam replied. "But I won't."

We smoked for a little longer and then soon headed for bed. I wasn't sure where I was meant to sleep though by the time, we got upstairs. Did Cam still want me out of his room?

"Umm... Cam? Am I allowed back in your room?" I asked.

Cam looked at me for a moment like he was making up his mind before slowly he reached out for my hand and led me to his room.

"Are you sure?" I asked when the door closed behind me. I was still hungry, but I didn't want to risk going to the kitchen for more snacks and Cam changing his mind in the process.

"Well, answer one question and I'll let you know," he said. He was taking off his pyjamas, so he was back in his underwear now. I noted that his bum looked especially yummy when I was high. Wasn't I thinking about having another snack? Not that I would push it tonight, but a guy can dream.

"Anything."

"You're not actually gonna wear that shirt he gave you back, are you?" I asked.

"Umm..."

"Because your ex has had it for two years, a year and a half? If you started wearing it again..."

"Course not. I'm gonna give it to charity or something. Promise mi amor," I said. I didn't let Cam know it had been my favourite shirt, it certainly wasn't anymore, if it was just another thing that would risk my relationship with Cam. I didn't want to do anything to risk things with him. "I know you said we'd talk tomorrow when I'm not high, but I'm not that bad and it's not like I'll forget this conversation. I'd prefer if we sorted everything out before going to bed again. Want us to wake up happy."

Cam sighed and leant his head on my chest where we stood. "Just no more meeting up with exes in the middle of the night especially when you've just been with me. I know you didn't mean anything bad by it, or at least I trust that you didn't mean it that way. It's just, you know that I have a lot of trust in you, and if we're being honest some of that is a blind trust because of what you did for me once. I just need you to not betray that because if I lose trust in you, how will I ever trust anyone else ever again?"

Safe to say the guilt I felt was a tidal wave washing over my entire being. "Mi sol, I'm so sorry."

"I know," he said before pulling away. "Let's go to bed. When I wake up, I wanna see you right beside me. Understand?"

"I promise," I replied getting into bed after discarding my clothes.

Cam fell asleep pretty quickly but there was something still eating away at me, so before I allowed myself some much-needed sleep as well, I grabbed my phone and blocked Cory on everything there was to block him on.

~~~~~~~~~

Leave me some comments so I know what you guys think <3