My Boyfriend Is A Geek ✔️

59: I don't want to run anymore

“I have no idea. I just figured I should say something like that ‘cause it sounds deep and meaningful,” he admitted with a laugh – something I was soon joining in. 

Although, deep down, I couldn't help pondering on those words: ‘maybe there’s something you've kept inside you which is holding you back.’

Could that be true? Could Hawk be right about me not wanting to open myself to love? But then, why would I not want to do that?

I stayed, searching through my thoughts for possible answers to any of those things. But after several unsuccessful attempts at doing so, I decided it was best to lay my thoughts to rest for now. 

Besides, my attention was soon shifted to something Hawk was doing which left me bubbling with mirth.

So, yeah, those puzzling thoughts were soon moved to the back of my mind. 

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After hearing what Ria had to say earlier today, those thoughts which I thought I’d pushed away, suddenly came rushing back to my mind.

But this time though, I’d found the answers for them – all which led me here; to that shadow. But I was determined to face it this time, instead of ignoring its existence. And that was exactly what I was about to do now.

So, drawing out a shaky breath, I gave the door in front of me a knock. And a second later, the familiar voice came floating through. 

“Hold on. Be there in a minute.”

After what seemed like hours, even though it was barely seconds, the door opened to reveal my mom. Though her pretty features remained the same as the last time I saw her, there was a certain tiredness to her face which I didn't fail to notice – the same way I didn’t fail to notice the way her lips parted wordlessly now, eyes widening slightly as she sized in on who her visitor was.

“Sweetie,” she breathed, her initial surprise giving way to a smile which didn't leave her face. It remained as she eagerly held the door open, saying,  “come in, please.”

I nodded, letting myself in the room. It was pretty much the same as the last time I was here, with the only difference now, being the clothes which were spread across the bed and couch.

Mom, however, was now moving at superhuman speed as she cleared out some clothes from the bed, urging me to sit soon after. But when I complied, only for her to just stand awkwardly at the side, I asked, “aren't you going to sit too?”

Her reply was: “oh.” She seemed surprised that I'd asked her that, or perhaps it was surprising to her that I’d spoken at all.

Not like I didn’t understand why though. Since finding out the truth, I’d ignored all her attempts at reaching out to me – her calls and messages had all gone unanswered. Walter even told me she came by the house one time, but I was out. 

Now, though, she was settling in the space beside me, the situation growing even more awkward after that, neither of us saying anything. 

I simply stared straight ahead, as though there was a writing on the wall which I had to decipher. She however, occupied herself with rubbing her hands on her thighs – a nervous habit of hers.