Simple Complexity

Part 9

'Yeah?'

'Did something happen on your date? I know you said nothing did...but...'

'He told me he loved me.'

'Oh.'

'And I couldn't say it back,' Erin looked down, 'I didn't feel that, and everything was just a jumble.' Erin inhaled hard, looking at Holtz, 'And then we kinda had an argument well not argument ...but he got a bit frustrated with me when I said he could walk me to work and not home, or back to his.'

Holtz nodded.

'I wanted to see you, Jill. I wanted to fall asleep in your arms that night, not his.'

Holtz smiled tightly, reaching to stroke Erin's hair, 'When we were at the bar, and we were dancing. I wanted to kiss you so much.'

'I think I wanted you to. I think my skin against yours, touching you.... I don't know Jill. I just needed to always touch you.'

'Me too. I just had to hold you, always.'

They laid together for almost an hour, the uninjured side of Holtz's head against Erin's chest and the brunette held her firm, trying not to aggravate her ribs or head.

All Erin could think about was the next stage, this next moment with Holtz and she smiled to herself. But her thoughts also turned to Josh. She was dreading having to go and see him, break up with him. She put a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes tight.

The blonde lifted her head, leaned in, kissing the woman.

'Holtz,' Erin said, pulling away, her hand on the woman's cheek, 'I gotta, I need to...go sort this out.'

'I know.'

Erin nodded, 'I need to do the right thing.'

'When...when you started dating him,' Holtz took in a shallow breath, 'I tried to stop loving you, I tried so hard, but I couldn't, I couldn't stop. I only stayed at work, so you knew where to find me, if...if you needed me.'

Erin stared at the woman, her perfect face tarnished with cuts and scrapes, a graze along the bottom of her chin. And although injured she still managed to look flawless to Erin.

'I always needed you. I just didn't know it.'

'I know, that's why I was there...I just...waited.'

Holtz took in a deep breath, 'The girl at the restaurant, the waitress.'

Erin eyes closed a little and she nodded.

'I didn't, Erin. I tried to, I wanted to..I mean I didn't want to...but I wanted to, to try and forget you. But all I could think of was you. I felt too guilty. I kissed her, and all I could think of was you. I just left.'

Erin nodded again, her eyes slowly meeting Holtzmann's.

'When I was,' Erin inhaled hard, 'when I was...with...Josh, he said, he said..anytime Miss Gilbert. And I just, I think I just lost it, I couldn't bear to hear that coming from anyone other than you. I think I knew what it meant. I think I knew what you meant when you said it, deep down. So, I left him...I ran out... I came back to the Firehouse, to find you, to tell you I was in love with you.'

Erin let a tear fall from her eye and she sniffed a little, another tear falling.

'You weren't there,' Erin paused and then smiled to herself, 'so I went to your bed,' Holtzmann smiled at her, 'I was just going to wait for you, be the one waiting for you this time, for you to come home.'

Holtzmann smiled at her, 'If I hadn't been injured, I would have climbed in with you when I got back.'

Erin nodded, tears dotting her lashes, one trickling her cheek, 'I know.'