Sincerely, Aishatu✅

44; Getaway To Alexandria.

He shook his head. "You know it's not the same"

"It is, Abdallah!" Why would he think it's not the same? Is it because the man she's supposed to marry doesn't know of whatever it is happening between them? "Answer me, how would you feel if I'm doing this to you with another man? Do you think it's not wrong simply because you're not the one at the receiving end?"

Abdallah said nothing to her for a moment. Instead, he simply stared at her. But, even though his eyes were meeting hers, his mind was far. He thought of what she said, and to be honest, she was right. He wouldn't like it. Heck, that might possibly be the end of their relationship before it even starts. So, she is right. This is wrong.

However, that aside; she is confusing him. "What do you want, Firdausi?" He asked when he finally gathered his thoughts.

"Huh?" She was confused by the question which is obviously a seriously deal since he mentioned her real name.

"What do you want?" He repeated, his face blank. "What is it you want from me? One minute you push me away, the next you want me back? You know I care about you. Is that why you're making me out to be the bad person?"

She was speechless for that moment. She parted her lips to say something, but then closed it, not knowing what to say exactly.

"Well?" He prodded, because he was honestly confused, hurt, and angry. He has every right to be. "I said I would fight for you because I truly do care about you. You know I'll drop whatever it is I have doing if you need me, especially if you are in a situation like that of earlier. But why do I have to be the bad person for it? Do you enjoy playing with my feelings?"

Her lips parted slightly, as she shook her head. She could see the seethe hurt on his face. He hid it the last two times she rejected him, but not this time and she could understand why. "No, Abdallah. I don't mean it that way"

"Then what do you mean?" Just because he said he cares about her, doesn't mean he would want to be treated around like he's stupid. Because, he is not.

She released a deep sigh, her heart tightening. She hated how she's the one rejecting him, and always ends up being hurt too. "You're not at fault, okay? And neither are you the bad person. It's me" She didn't want him to blame himself when she knows she's the problem. "It's me, okay?" She repeated, even though she didn't want to pull the cliché 'it's not you, it's me' card. But truth be told, it is her this time around. "I'm the one who can't get a hold of my emotion, and keeps dragging you in my problems. It's my fault for playing with your feelings even though it's not my intention, believe me Abdallah" Did she mention how she easily gets emotional? Because even as she's saying that, tears were welling up in her eyes yet again.

She's sure she's overly emotional not just because of what happened earlier but because it's also that time of the month. Her hormones are all over the place and her mood swings, on point.

But she truly is hurt. Hurting Abdallah hurts her and she wanted to stop doing that.

He held up his blank façade, even though every fiber in his being was screaming at him to comfort her the minute he saw tears in her eyes. He hated seeing her cry. That's probably his number one weakness when it comes to her.

"Abdallah, I don't deserve you, okay?" She finally admitted on what's on her mind. "You deserve someone that will not keep playing with your feelings because that's obviously not me" Does it hurt her to admit that? Yes. But she knew she and Abdallah won't ever be a thing. So, it's better to accept it now. "And I promise, I won't ever drag you in my mess again"

"And what if I want to be dragged in it, huh?" There was no ounce of playfulness in his tone, only sincerity. "What if I tell you that I want to be the one you call when you have problems? What if I want to be your listening ear?" He is still hurt, and angry. But that won't make his feelings disappear just like that. His feelings for her are true, and for the sake of Allah.