Simple Complexity

Part 4

Erin pulled Holtzmann's hands back into hers, linking their fingers and she stood close to her, not saying a word, just staring at her, and she pulled their hands to her waist, guiding Holtz to hold her and she slipped her arms around the woman's neck.

'Dance with me again.'

Holtzmann nodded, pulling her in close and slipping her face against Erin's cheek and they cradled each other, the bitter night air surrounding them, both numb to it, the warm glow of the candles and the moon their only source of light, the gentle glitter of the surrounding buildings almost like starlight.

'I kissed him,' Erin murmured, tilting her face into the blonde's neck, they swayed to silent music, the distant buzz of the city just background noise.

Holtzmann pulled away a little, Erin pulled her back into her, not wanting to make eye contact.

'Just dance with me,' Erin murmured as she tilted her head down a little, her breath minty as it hit Holtzmann's lips and the blonde nodded, holding her tight as they moved in the darkness.

They were quiet, bodies close, skin touching, eyes closed. Holtz stroked the back of Erin's coat softly, the brunette almost shivering at the touch. It was everything Holtzmann wanted, every second of this moment was what she wanted, but she wanted it all the time. She wanted Erin all the time. Why was Erin confessing a kiss, was she feeling guilty? Was she making her feel guilty. Was she giving her the chance to say something?

Pick me, love me, was all Holtzmann wanted to say.

'I don't,' Holtzmann whispered, turning her face towards Erin's neck, her nose brushing the intersection between her neck and ear, and she bit her lip again. Hard. Feeling it sting. It was all she could do to stop herself from letting her lips brush the woman's skin.

'I don't want this to be weird, I do weird things... I just..you talked about romance, and I had the candles and-'

Erin cut her off, her neck tickled by Holtzmann's breath.

'Don't apologise, it's not weird. You're not weird.'

'Your guy should be doing this stuff for you, I'm sorry Er-'

Erin shook her head, holding the woman tighter.

'I like, I like...this...want...with you.'

Holtz held in the moan she desperately wanted to release, her heart pounding, and she closed her eyes tight. Her stomach was flipping, her body was flooding with nerves, and she couldn't help but bring her hand up to Erin's cheek, touching her loose hair with her fingers, sliding it over her ear. Her hand pausing as she stroked Erin's cheek with her thumb, her fingers sliding into her hair.

Erin brushed her cheek against the blonde's, her nose gently grazing her as she tilted her head and Holtz exhaled and Erin could feel the buzz in her stomach, it coursed through her chest and she felt lightheaded, she felt faint, and she exhaled too.

'Jill,' Erin breathed, but she said no more, and Holtz didn't respond, already trying to control her breathing because she could feel it becoming shallow and she returned her hand to her waist.

Erin didn't know why Holtz was doing these things for her and she didn't know why she wanted her to. All she knew is he wanted more of it. Holtz was comfort. Holtz was her safety. Holtz was home. She felt a pang of guilt but at the same time the woman and her were always close.

This was normal right? This was, okay? It was Holtz and her, this was what they did.  Holtz was always touching her, and she enjoyed her warmth, her tenderness. The engineer almost felt like an extension of herself, and she didn't want to let that go.