What a Good Day !!

019 03MOON 25

What was I thinking about ? Did I really picture myself being worthy of Lisden's pride ? Me ? I am nothing of a "premiere" citizen, I don't even deserve to be a citizen of Dema at all.
I honestly don't know what twisted vanity made me imagine I was anything special to my Bishop or to this district.
This woman wasn't even a Premiere, she was just some random newcomer. And yet, when our Bishop appeared again today, it wasn't for me, but for her.
We had just finished working, and everyone in the district were ready to go back home, when suddenly, he was there. As out of thin air, Lisden came out of the shadows . He started walking, and when it was clear that he was heading toward her, the woman properly knelt before him. The Bishop covered her face with his hands, said something, and she stood up. They shared a few words, she bowed a last time, and he left.
I was astonished. Absolutely nothing like my interaction with Lisden; that woman successfully kept composure in front of him, she got her face caressed by the soft and caring hands of our Bishop, and they even had a talk. Now I know that I'll surely never, never be as important as her to Lisden.
I'm feeling so lost right now. Is there any point to anything I could ever do now I know I'm just some goner ? I am nothing. Will I ever be able to achieve the Glorious Gone or am I such a week coward I can't even do that ? Oh please...

No.

This is stupid. A mere moment of weakness. I only exist to serve Dema. That's the only thing that matters.
Desire for being special is wrong, and I know that. I should be proud of that woman and of her work, as a citizen of her district. What's important is our collective efficiency, not my childish desires for recognition. Alright. I may not be as good as her, but I will do everything I can to serve my district, I'll work as hard as I can not to make Lisden proud of me as an individual, but of our district as a whole.

I will now repress those ridiculous inclinations, do my prayers to the neon, then go to sleep knowing that tomorrow I will reach an efficiency that I never even approached, because this time, I'll be fully working for my district, without consideration of any kind for my little self.

May the walls of Dema cover me.

-Ezedis