Boys Don't Cry - Steddie

Chapter 9

Steve took a shaky breath and wiped the tears on his cheeks, shaking his head. "God, I couldn't even bring myself to talk to you the next morning because I just kept thinking about it. I talked to Robin about it. And it's not like there's anything wrong with it, it just feels different when it's me. But I couldn't let it go. It was like this switch was flipped and suddenly I was so aware of everything. Everything you did or said. I was hanging on to everything, Eds, like it was the only thing I had. I didn't think I was going to be able to make it through a Nightmare on Elm Street to be honest. You were so close."

There was a break after that. A moment for Steve to regroup. A moment for Eddie to process everything. When Steve started to speak again, he was quieter. He talked slower, methodical rather than frantic and rushed. But the tears didn't stop. Eddie watched each of them fall.

"So I'm sorry that I was drunk when I told you. I don't think I was going to tell you at all to be honest. I was so scared. I am scared. I feel so different now. And I feel... I feel really shitty, honestly. Except for when I'm with you. Everything seems fine then. I don't care about anything else, and I don't feel guilty and disgusting and gross, and I know there's a chance that I'll only drive you away more," his voice broke when he said that. Hearing it out loud made it more of a possibility. "-but I needed you to know."

There was a long silence after he was done talking and he laughed nervously, "I would really appreciate it if you said something, because now I just feel stupid..."

"Are you sure, Steve?"

"What?"

"Are you sure? About how you feel."

He could feel Eddie's eyes on him, "I'm sure."

And suddenly there was this gentle warmth and he could see him again. Eddie. He was holding Steve's face gently, turning him so they could look at each other. "You really threw me for a loop there, big boy."

Eddie looked like he had been crying too. Steve didn't notice it while he was talking. "What?"

"Usually I'm pretty good at figuring people out, but you really threw a wrench in things." Eddie was smiling softly now. Steve still looked confused. Eddie wiped his cheeks with his thumbs. "I'm not really a big fan of labels or anything, but I like you too. Like, really... really like you, as you so graciously put it."

Steve took a second to process what he had said before he let out a relieved laugh. And god, it felt so good to see him smile, even if he did start crying again. Eddie was pretty sure it was for a different reason this time.

He sniffed, "You like me?"

"I like you." Eddie hesitated, "But we've gotta make a deal."

"What is it?"

"I don't want you jumping into things you're not comfortable with, so you need to be honest with me, okay? You're new to this whole thing, and I don't know what you want. I'm giving you the steering wheel on this one, got it?"

Steve nodded as Eddie wiped his cheeks again, "I think you're supposed to kiss me now."

"Oh, really? Is that how this works?"

"Well I know you don't like romance movies, but yeah. That's usually how this works."

"Is that what you want?"

He looked at Eddie's lips before he met his eyes again, "Yeah."

And then Eddie was pulling his face closer and it was like slow motion, but it was happening so fast and Steve couldn't keep up. When it finally suddenly happened, Steve felt like he had been pumped full of pure adrenaline, but at the same time all of the tension in his body was melting away and he was so relaxed. Eddie's lips were chapped and the tips of his fingers were rough, but it just felt right. It felt like him. Steve worked up the courage to let his hands settle on Eddie's shoulders, eventually moving one to the back of his neck in an attempt to pull him in because he just couldn't get close enough. It was everything and not enough and it was gentle and loving and if Steve died right now, he would be satisfied.

Noses were touching as they looked at each other. Eddie was the one to break the silence, "I thought you liked The Cure?"

"I do?"

"Well you obviously don't listen to them," Eddie scoffed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Boys don't cry."

"I hate you."

"That's not what you just told me."

"You're not still leaving, are you?"

"Well... since you asked me so nicely to stay..."

Steve just kissed him again.