My Obsession With a Slanted Mirror

September 15, 2010

I hate those dreams where you feel like everything is normal, you are going through a normal day of school, friends, family, et cetera, et cetera. Something really good happens, and then you wake up. I absolutely loathe those dreams!

Well last night I dreamt of Mommy. I went  to school as normal, everything was peachy, I came home and there was Mommy in the kitchen. She was making me my favorite bran muffins. She sat them down on the table and we ate to our hearts desires as she asked me how my day was. We talked about a lot of things boys, schools, grades, parties, sports. She looked so happy. Father came home and he kissed the top of both of our heads and we smiled up at him. It was everything I wanted, but them my perfected world melted away from me a I woke up. 

My perfect world was gone, I had to deal with the one I had for now. James picked me up for school this mornig. I had no idea why, but he insisted last night that he was going to. Anyways, he picked me up really early before school started and we sat in his car at the school parking lot. His car smelt bran new, like just cleaned leather seats and vacuumed floors. We had a long talk about a fight that he and Kelsea had. Kelsea went to Agoura High School, so James never saw her during the day. James said that he was starting to lose his trust in her. He really liked her, as much as I hate saying it, he did. However, a couple of days ago James was hanging out at her house. Out of curiousity he started looking at some her her text messages while she wasn't paying attention. I guess she had been a little suggestive in some of her texts and James started to get upset. 

James wasn't the jealous type, I knew that much, but he was the type to be hurt when felt betrayed. He's also not the type to bring it up, he usually gives people the benifit of the doubt right away and forgets about it. I guess he had brought it up to Kelsea and she didn't take it well. I guess she got really defensive and James didn't know what to do about it, so they decided to take a little break. 

Again, UUGGGHHHH, he's teasing me! He said that they weren't going to date around or anything, just take a few days away from each other to clear their heads. Whatever, I didn't really care this time what he did. I was just too upset with my own news. 

Yesterday, dad had told me that we were going to move. We weren't moving far, we were moving to the Santa Rosa area, a part of Thousand Oaks where a lot of people go to build there homes. We were leaving the home that Father and Mommy made together. The only reminder of Mommy and her presense in a home I had. They were going to build a new house where it could be something that Marie felt a part of. I still was going to the same school, but how could he? He was a betrayer. I hated him so much for his disloyalty. If I had other reletives to live with you could count on it that I would move far away from him and Marie in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, Father was an only child, and Mommy's only sister had died three years after her of the same cancer. Father's grandparents traveled, and Mommy's lived in a assisted living home. 

I had a hard time getting through this day today. Everything just seemed so melancholy. Nothing at all looked bright and cheery not even the clear cloudless sky. I guess my subconscience knew me better than I did, because even my dress was a little depressing. I just wore grey pocketed cape tee with black jeans and black maryjanes. 

HER. HER was there at the back of my head all day. I couldn't help imagine her perfect world and how this would not even be happening if I was HER. HER, is all I want to be, but I couldn't take HER out today. I couldn't do that to myself today.